Public Service Announcement:
Cheaters who only say sorry for what you caught them doing are really only sorry that they got caught.
Some cheaters have so much contempt for us, faithful spouses, that they will ask for our information and sources in order to only confess up to the exact point of exposure to us.
This is not repentance.
It is damage control. They are trying to avoid consequences as opposed to trying to turn from their sins.
The secrets the cheater is keeping about their affair(s) is power. They know something we do not. We are asking them to surrender this power.
Some cheaters never will.
That said, you do not need to know all the details in order to make decision on whether or not this adulterous, deceptive behavior–that you know of–is acceptable to you.
God permits us to divorce the sexually immoral (see Matthew 19:9) and the unbeliever who has left our marriage (see I Corinthians 7:15).
A lifestyle of lies and infidelity is not compatible to a Christian marriage where both partners are called to walk in the light and faithfulness.
Brief but insightful post DM. 30-year marriage, 3+ years out from DDay I still sense some important events are kept secret to hold power. Trickle truth, dishonesty and omission in disclosure are more damaging than the adulterous acts themselves in many cases. And you skillfully identify it as contempt, so devastating to connection and trust. To paraphrase a quote I once heard “Secrets kept about the affair keep you bound by your heart to the affair partner”. I think I’ve lived that for 3 years – walls remain in place preventing full reconnection.