When a cheater stops the affair, this is not enough. They need to take further action.
It is like an alcoholic who stops drinking. This is good. However, the alcoholic who is not actively dealing with their issues connected to drinking is not in recovery.
A cheater who does not deal with the lies he or she believed that led them into adultery is not really done with that sin.
They need to ruthlessly root out those things they used to “excuse” their sin. If they do not, it will happen again–most likely.
I grow tired of those talking about “affair proofing” a marriage via working on the marriage. We do not treat other abuse like this.
Christian retreats are not designed to teach wives how to “behave better” so as to avoid a beat down as if the wife could do something to deserve that.
Instead, the focus is on the abusive person. They are taught how their behavior is unacceptable, and it matters not what their spouse did or did not do. Beating them is not an option!
Adultery needs to be treated this way in churches and Christian communities.
It is wonderful “the beating” stops, yet it is better to expose excuses as unacceptable. Simply stopping is not enough.
A cheater needs to see the cheating was and is never excusable or acceptable! That is godly pastoral care.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
