Whether it is validation through evidence or validation from another human being who sees the real injustice and names it as such, validation is a precious gift.
I truly believe such validation is necessary for healing from adultery and abandonment. We need to be seen. Our pain needs to matter to someone, which includes ourselves.
Many faithful spouses get stuck because they do not receive this precious gift. People are confused over why he or she is so “bitter.”
These people are unwilling to consider their unwillingness to offer this precious gift of validation might be why this person is still “stuck.”
Their refusal to call an injustice, unjust is why the victim is still stuck crying out in the streets for his or her injustices to be seen.
I am grateful for those who were willing to give me this gift of validation. And I am grateful God gave me enough evidence to walk away with knowledge I needed about what went down.
My hope is for all faithful spouses coming to these digital shores that they might find the refreshment of validation.
You did not deserve the discard or the soul rape.
It is truly, truly unjust.
God also gives us validation in the Bible:
NUMBERS 5 – God calls the adulterer guilty and the faithful spouse innocent
“This, then, is the law of jealousy when a woman goes astray and makes herself impure (commits adultery) while married to her husband, or when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife. The priest is to have her stand before the Lord and is to apply this entire law to her. The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.” (Numbers 5:29-31)
MARK 7 – Jesus says adultery and other evils come from within, out of a person’s heart.
He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” (Mark 7:20-23).
JOHN 8 – Jesus chooses not to condemn the adulteress but tells her to leave her life of sin. Jesus also doesn’t blameshift onto her husband and He never says that her husband has to reconcile with her.
Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:10-11).
HEBREWS 13 – God will judge the immoral and adulterous (since they are the ones who are guilty, God is righteous in judging them. If they were innocent because their sin was mitigated by the shared responsibility lie, would God really be judging them?)
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4).
Thanks JannaG!!