What about the “unmet needs” of the faithful spouse?

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

-Exodus 20:14, KJV

When adultery is discovered, many pastors and Christian counselors seem to lose their minds. They quickly jump into sleuthing mode looking for “deficiencies” in the marriage–not the cheater.

All the focus is on the entitled cheater’s desires.

It is a double standard. Two people were in the same marriage. Yet those two people responded to the same marriage very differently.

One cheated. One did not.

When sex became less and less frequent, the faithful spouse never entertained the option of finding some on the side. That was not an option. The need was left “unmet” in that sense.

When their spouse became surly and  distant, the faithful spouse never entertained the option of developing an inappropriate emotional relationship with another man. That was not an option. The need was left “unmet” in that sense.

You see the Bible is right when talking about how sin happens. It does not place the origins in “unmet needs.” The Bible teaches us that human actors are responsible for their actions (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).

It does not give a pass for people to commit adultery because of marriage circumstance. Adultery is never an option for people who have submitted their lives to the Living God.

So, the questions around adultery ought to be less about “unmet needs” and more about why the cheater chose rebellion against God’s ways! That is precisely cheaters have done.

 

3 thoughts on “What about the “unmet needs” of the faithful spouse?”

  1. I appreciate you refuting the lies ! Some of them I actually believed myself because of the Christian counsel I was given when I walked thru it 20 years ago ! I have always felt my husband’s acting out in adultery was rooted in his porn habit. You’re absolutely right when you say it’s a heart issue. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom and advice. Look forward to reading more !

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