“That is why your daughters turn to prostitution,
and your daughters-in-law commit adultery.
But why should I punish them
for their prostitution and adultery?
For your men are doing the same thing,
sinning with whores and shrine prostitutes.”-Hosea 4:13b-14b, NLT
Notice how this passage from Hosea assumes punishment of the sexually immoral by God?
Because this was NOT happening, people were calling to God who explains why He has stopped from meting out the necessary justice. All parties are wicked.
We have strayed a far ways from the days where God’s people would expect God in His holiness to judge the adulterous.
Another interesting aspect of this passage is how it comes from the book where God takes back unfaithful Israel like Hosea takes back the prostitute Gomer.
The assumption of judgment on the sexually immoral is NOT questioned even in this book!
I am not opposed to mercy and grace. However, in the rush to be a people of grace and mercy, we have undermined the very meaning of those words in the context of marriages ravaged by infidelity.
The assumption has changed from expecting God to punish the adulterous party to the assumption that God will essentially overlook this sin (even when it is still ongoing)!
Mercy only makes sense if the guilty party recognizes that they deserve the punishment. It is not mercy–in their eyes–if they do not believe their behavior is deserving of punishment or consequences.
The cheater who does not see his or her marriage is on the line for cheating is a person who fails to grasp the gravity of their sin.
To extend mercy to such a person would be counter-productive as they would not see it as mercy. It just feeds into their entitlement and arrogance.
Cheaters need to understand that their adulterous behavior means they are unfit to be married. They need to learn to fear a holy and righteous God who is intolerant of adultery and lies.
We do not get to godly mercy and grace by skipping over the assumption that God will judge the sexually immoral.
Instead of censuring the faithful spouse for being angry with the cheater, I think their anger is a teachable moment for the cheater. It is a small preview of what awaits the cheater unless he or she repents before God seeking God’s mercy now.
We would be a healthy community if we returned to the assumption that our righteous God will punish infidelity!
“Instead of censuring the faithful spouse for being angry with the cheater, I think their anger is a teachable moment for the cheater. It is a small preview of what awaits the cheater unless he or she repents before God seeking God’s mercy now.”
No truer words and thanks for saying that. I have never ever been this angry with anyone my entire life. And my ex-pastor said to “not sin in your anger.” So everything I was doing was sin according to him. For some reason Christians forget Jesus getting angry at the temple and he was “without sin.” But for some reason I wasn’t allowed to get really angry after finally realizing that my now ex-husband was lying and cheating on me since I first moved to NY to live closer to him. 24+ years of lying and cheating! That’s something to be angry about!!
My ex-husband is unremorseful. Unrepentant. Has zero shame. Blames me for his cheating and lying. Still goes to the church that I left, because they didn’t hold him accountable for his lies and cheating. Still acts like the “perfect” Christian around the right people, but in his personal life he’s dating the woman I caught him out with. She’s not a Christian. She’s “spiritual”, whatever that means. He and his girlfriend are best friends (they all used to work together — that’s where they all met) with another couple who both cheated on their spouses. Left their spouses and our now living together even though they are not married. These are his good friends when he’s not in church! He’s a hypocrite and a big fat phony!
Yep! My anger is nothing compared to what God will do to him if he doesn’t repent. But I don’t see him ever repenting, because he believes his own lies and I truly believe he’s a narcissist. He tics off most of the characteristics and our relationship followed the pattern of a narc relationship.
Divorce Minister, I’m not sure if you ever heard of the Christian counselor, Leslie Vernick. She’s well-respected and has written a few books. She wrote an article called, “Five Indicators of an Evil Heart.” My ex tics off each one. My ex is evil. His heart is evil. And it bothers me to no end that he goes to church each week and puts on this big act.
The fact that God doesn’t discipline him in any way and really never has, makes me believe that he truly isn’t a Christian. God only disciplines His own children and my ex has gotten away with everything bad he’s ever done. All of it! He doesn’t even get disciplined by the church that I thought would have had my back.