Can you live with the lies?


All day long you plot destruction.
    Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor;
    you’re an expert at telling lies.
You love evil more than good
    and lies more than truth.

-Psalm 52:2-3, NLT

I am a firm believer when it comes to full disclosure to the faithful spouse regarding what the cheater did. Darkness is only overcome by light. The affair partner shouldn’t know more than the faithful spouse. That knowledge differential needs to be fixed. It is part of true repentance for the cheater to do as much.

If the cheater refuses to fix the knowledge gap and fully disclose without defensiveness, then I think the faithful spouse needs to start asking hard questions for themselves.

Am I willing to live with someone who has chosen the comfort of darkness over living in the light of truth?

Can I live with their lies and deception still at work in our marriage?

I understand it may be embarrassing and shameful for the cheater to expose what he or she did. Yet that embarrassment or sense of shame did not stop them from cheating in the first place! 

Facing the natural consequences of one’s actions is part of being an responsible adult. The cheater will look bad because what they did and said was very, very bad! 

The faithful spouse is not the one making them look bad by expecting them to disclose what they did anymore than turning on the lights revealing a shattered vase broke the vase!

I have little hope for a godly marriage where adulterous sin is swept under the rug under the guise of “forgiveness.” God’s people walk in the light and do not use God’s name as an excuse to hide wickedness.

A cheater on the path of true repentance accepts this. He or she recognizes and acts on the absolute need for transparency and truth. False repentance is all about hiding the truth and choosing the comfort of the cheater over his or her victim’s.

I understand choosing divorce is scaryNo real good options are on the table following a marriage ravaged by infidelity and deceit. However, I would encourage faithful spouses to consider not tolerating ongoing deception and a cheater’s commitment to life of lies.

Such a cheater is choosing to reject God and walk in the darkness…do you really want to walk with them down that path?

Can you really live with the lies?