For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV
The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. – Proverbs 29:25, NKJV
Are you anxious?
Do you worry about what crazy thing your cheating (ex) partner is about to do next?
Are you worried about how other Christians or even your pastor will respond to you in this situation?
Fear can be immobilizing.
And Satan is a bully.
I suspect many faithful spouses sense the dread of what is coming. Fear can loom large at the time of discovery. The losses have just begun to be revealed.
They have already experienced soul rape.
Now, they are faced with a buffet of bad options.
And the Church is usually far from helpful at this critical time. If anything, they likely will hear the much abused text that “God hates divorce” or some other text used to limit their already limited poor options following the traumatic explosion of their marriage.
The faithful spouse may already see the grim writing on the wall:
Their spouse is not even remotely remorseful. In fact, he or she may seem to derive some sick pleasure out of flaunting their cheating behavior in the faithful spouse’s face. Plus, the cheater might already know the “Christian” counselors or pastors called into the situation are pushovers readily manipulated into “The Shared Responsibility Lie” or “There’s Always Two Sides To the Story” bit. Plus, they have probably already “justified” or excused their inexcusable behavior to themselves. Rare is even the pastor who is bold enough to call such excuses for what they are: LIES.
Even if this is crystal clear to the faithful spouse, he or she is still faced with some real costs to choose divorce. They will have to face a religious community struggling on this subject and often getting it wrong in the matter of divorce following adultery. Divorce stigma is very much alive and well in the evangelical Christian community as I know personally. Besides such social losses. One might recognize the loss common life with major financial struggles as well as all the other benefits lost that come with becoming one unit in marriage. Then there is the beloved kids. The breaking up of the family is a heavy weight to bear.
And Satan would love nothing more than to keep the faithful spouse looking up and trembling in fear at this Giant of Losses. The last thing Satan wants a faithful spouse to do is to decide to follow God at this time. He does not want the faithful spouse to take adultery seriously. He wants the faithful spouse to eat the false guilt and just take the worth beatings that come with adultery discovery. This way both the faithful spouse and the adulterous spouse are destroyed. One through willful sin and the other through intimidation as a victim of adulterous evil.
I say slay the Giant!
Put some stones in your sling.
II Timothy 1:7 and Proverbs 29:25 are particularly deadly stones for the Fear Giant.
Memorize these verses.
Recite them when the Fear Giant tries to intimidate you.
We will never be able to please everyone. This is true even of other Christians–pastors included. To seek to please them is to live by the fear of man. Don’t do it. That Fear Giant needs to be slain or you will be paralyzed in this crisis.
Often times, the Fear Giant looms so large at the start that one cannot see the streams of water God will place in your wilderness. All you see is death, destruction, and loss dreams or hopes. That’s normal. And I can certainly relate.
But as my old pastor liked to say, “Satan is a LIAR!”
The Fear Giant lies.
Those of us who have made it over the Fear Giant’s dead corpse can testify to this truth. Hope and new dreams exist on the other side. You are free to choose from the buffet even if it is a bad one. And God can even redeem the darkest of circumstances. He is greater than the spirit of fear. And He can take care of your children through this scary time. After all, He is rather fond of them and loves them even more than you!
You may loose some of your “friends” or even family in this. Some just stubbornly choose the way of the self-righteous religious prick. But I have discovered the joy of meeting people truly attuned to God’s Spirit. These are friends worth keeping and forever family. Regardless, you are never alone as God has promised to always be with you (Hebrews 13:5).
And no Fear Giant is bigger than God!