DivorceCare did me a great deal of good. I know I will forever be thankful for the people I met in the DivorceCare group while I was working in St. Cloud, MN. God definitely directed me to that community and group.
As you can tell by visiting my RESOURCES page, I encourage people to find such a group and attend. They have a lot of good information for Christians trying to sort what is happening when experiencing a separation and/or divorce.
That said, I have some very important caveats…
The curriculum is biased towards marriage reconciliation, and as such, it sometimes feeds into “miracle-thinking.”
What I mean by “miracle-thinking” is the sort of thinking estranged and desperate spouses engage in believing God will “miraculously” restore their broken and even adultery-violated marriage.
This sort of thinking can lead to settling for a marriage without true repentance from a cheating spouse. Or minimally, it can add to the suffering of an abandoned spouse who keeps reading in reconciliation hope where none exists.
I remember one expert exhorting all divorced or soon to be divorced individuals to wait for the other partner to come back saying that they always do. This isn’t helpful information.
Not everyone repents. It is a fact as old as the Bible.
This fact applies to cheating spouses. They might “come back,” yet I doubt they come back in repentance. That means settling and believing one has a miracle when one is really ignoring the dead and rotting body that is the marriage.
To be clear: I am not against marriage miracles.
But I am against selling vulnerable spouses false miracle hope when–as a pastor and someone who has walked this difficult road–we know better. Teach people to test and verify that the miracle is real. In other words, teach that the marriage is dead when violated by adultery with no hope unless one has verified signs of true repentance from the cheater.
God has the power to transform people. However, the world is full of people who refuse such power or transformation. People chose to turn their backs on God willingly. And God’s word tells that God allows them to do so (see Romans 1).
The same goes for marriage destroyed by infidelity. Some will choose sin and see no need to repent ever.
In my opinion, it is more responsible–as a pastor–to remind Christians of this stark-sin reality than to suggest all spouses are destined to repent–when the Bible teaches us otherwise.
Miracles are great…if they are true miracles.