I know there are some wondering “what about the adulterous spouse? Where’s the grace for them?”
I want to make it clear that there is grace and redemption for them too. There is grace and redemption available to all.
From all the personal stories I’ve heard/read, and from my own experience with infidelity, here’s a common point: The adulterous party is the only one keeping themselves from said grace and redemption.
Adultery is planned. It doesn’t “just happen.” It involves secret keeping, gas lighting, justification for actions, score keeping, living a double life, turning your back on God, your family etc. Secret email accounts, credit cards, dates, dating profiles etc are set up intentionally.
What the adulterous spouse is doing is setting up a house of cards. You cannot set up a house of cards by just throwing cards around, hoping they land where you think/hope they’ll land. No. You have to be very careful that the cards are at just the right angle, just the right size and weight, or the house doesn’t get built to begin with.
“My husband was abusive.” Card.
“My wife doesn’t clean the house enough.” Card.
“My husband doesn’t make enough money.” Card.
“God wants me to be happy.” Card.
“We don’t have sex enough, they’re not fulfilling their duty.” Card.
Each card is meticulously played. Row by row, level by level. Each card is played so as to portray the adulterous spouse as being the one wronged. They’re the martyr. And they will fight to keep their house of cards in place because without it, what do they have? It’s too risky to have someone speak out about what really happened. If someone else speaks out, exposes adultery, the whole house of cards can come crumbling down. All it takes is one card and they lose everything.
Here’s the thing about grace and redemption. You can’t have a house of cards at the same time as God’s grace and redemption. God pursues us relentlessly. He seeks to destroy sin. He gave his only son for us. His grace and redemption destroy our idols and thus, destroy the lies that keep the house of cards standing. Truly accepting His grace, love, forgiveness and redemption means you have to own your choices and actions, both good and bad, you have to look in a mirror, actually admit you messed up. You have to drop the act. Only then will you really know the meaning of what He’s done for you. If you cannot do that you receive nothing.
Matthew 7:24-27 (NIV) “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
To the adulterous spouse: your life is worth so much more than the house of cards you’ve built. You are robbing yourself of your own story and the power it can have, for the good of others and for the good in your own life. Is your life worth so little to you that all it would take is one card to destroy everything? Is that really the life you had envisioned for yourself, that you want to live? Your lies will be the death of you. You will not be able to control the narrative. You will not remember every story you told to justify things, which lie you told to which person, the order you told them in. It takes a lot of time and energy to live a double life. You will run out of energy. We all run out of time.
How many cards are going to fall? A collapsed house sucks either way but I can guarantee that it’s far worse having a 57 story high rise collapse over a 2 story building. God will meet you in the ashes and debris of the mess you created. He can restore you and it’s no joke when His redemption is truly evident in your life. God is not a house of cards. He is the only thing permanent and your only salvation. You are the only one standing in your way.