“And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”
-Matthew 7:26-27, KJV (Red emphasis and quotation marks added)
“But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
-Mark 10:6-9, KJV (Red emphasis and quotation marks added)
Adultery causes extreme and severe damage to a marriage.
It kills innocence and whatever marriage one once had.
Too often, I hear stories about pastors and “Christian” counselors approaching marriages ravaged by adultery as if the infidelity is merely a symptom and not a marriage ending sin as Scripture teaches (e.g. Deut. 22:22, Jer. 3:8, Mt. 1: 19, etc.)
A marriage has to be rebuilt from the foundation upwards as Scripture teaches us that God views the oneness as at the foundation of a marriage and that was violated–sometimes repeatedly–when adultery has taken place.
Think of a marriage ravaged by adultery like a house:
Adultery burned down the house known as the marriage.
In some cases, the “arsonist” added gasoline, tossed the match, and clapped with their “friends” as they watched the family “home” go up in a blaze.
Sure, some people stay together after their marriage has been violated by infidelity. However, without rebuilding from the foundation upwards addressing the damage done by the infidelity and deceit directly, their marriage is bound to suffer from the destruction that comes from building on a cracked foundation. Character issues in the cheater need addressing for the house not to succumb to future collapse or other destruction–like from another adultery bonfire.
The heat from adultery’s flames compromised the house’s foundation cracking it beyond repair.
This is not a remodel job.
It is a total rebuild.
Can a marriage come back from something like that?
Yes, but it takes a lot of work just as it takes a lot of work to rebuild a house burned down from a super-heated fire. Only a foolish builder denies and underestimates the cost of rebuilding a house destroyed by such a “fire.”
The house may still have the same “address”–e.g. Bob and Jane Johnson–but the marriage is not the same house following adultery and infidelity discovery. How can it be after such devastating sin?
This is true whatever the decision made to rebuild or just “plaster over” the problems via denial. Even a successful rebuild suggests the marriage is not the same in any meaningful way.
The marriage never can be the same after the fires of adultery and deception have had their way with the original “residence.”