Resisting Revenge

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

-Romans 12:19, NIV

The struggle is real.

All the crummy injustices faithful spouses experience including dealing with months–or even years!–of lies, loss time with kids, a damage reputation, legal bills up the wazoo, and maybe even an STD–to name just a few–all provided courtesy of the selfish, careless cheater.

It is enough to push someone over the edge in seeking revenge.

You want them to pay.

Pay dearly for the humiliation and pain that they caused you!

But as a Christian, we are not to seek revenge as this verse from Romans commands us. It is God’s place to mete out justice and vengeance. Not ours!

So, how do we conquer this very real, fleshly struggle in wanting or seeking revenge?

We begin by taking God at His word.


God says that He “will repay.”

The cheater gets away with nothing. God promises that He will deal with the injustice(s).

So, that means we need to work on trusting God. And I think that works by entrusting said injustices to Him and trusting God’s just nature.

“God, I am angry over how she destroyed my job by cheating on me and divorcing me. It is not fair that I suffered because of her sinning against me. Yet I choose to hand this injustice over to you knowing you will deal with it being a wise and just God who cares about how much this hurt me. Amen.”

Name the injustice.

Say how you feel about it.

Then make a decision to hand it over to God affirming your faith in Him even if you do not feel it in the moment. Choose it. Say it.

Then, every time you feel yourself being sucked into the cycle of thinking on how you will exact your revenge, remember your commitment to hand it over to God and reaffirm your trust in Him as just and good.

As you work this faith muscle, you will find the emotions and impulse to seek revenge relax over time. I did. 

But that only comes via acknowledging the real injustice(s) and choosing faith in God as good to His word to deal with said injustices.

This is really what I think it means to forgive when dealing with unrepentant cheaters. You give the injustices and hurt feelings to God for Him to handle.

1 thought on “Resisting Revenge”

  1. This is an area in which I am struggling. I know I need to have more faith, but I’m impatient because I feel that my husband gets to leave all his responsibilities, smear MY reputation, be with his “bit on the side,” and leave me broken and devastated. He has NPD, has been cruel and emotionally abusive to me, is disrespectful to his parents, and generally feels entitled to sin.

    I feel bad for my husband and pray he’ll get help. Then, my thoughts turn to anger and I feel I negate my compassion with thoughts of vengeance and retribution. I found myself praying to God for revenge (again) this week, but I stopped and said aloud, “Why ask for that when there are positive things to ask for and thanks to be given for what is good?”

    It’s my duty to seek true goodness, my desire to exhibit kindness, and my responsibility to be MY best self amidst all the pain, confusion, and fear. My Divorce Care group is supposed to discuss anger this week, and I hope I can gain more insight. I feel like this site and the group are helping me so much.

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