“I was afraid you would get angry. That is why I did not tell you [I was cheating on you].” -Cheater Isn’t it amazing how a cheater can make their own lies your fault? Now, we know their lies are their lies. However, cheaters are adept at shifting blame. This sort of mind trick was noted on … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid you would get angry.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Just looking for an excuse to divorce? Really?!
Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” -Mathew 19:3, NLT Are faithful spouses just looking for an excuse to divorce? Pastors, do you really think this? I am astounded that some pastors and Christian leaders believe faithful spouses … Continue reading “Just looking for an excuse to divorce? Really?!”
But God Stayed Married to Cheating Israel…
“I will punish her for all those times when she … went out to look for her lovers but forgot all about me,” says the Lord. “But then I will win her back once again.” -Hosea 2:13a,c, 14a, NIV But God stays married to us even though we are unfaithful to Him. Repeat after me: Hosea is … Continue reading “But God Stayed Married to Cheating Israel…”
“I can tell you are still tender and healing.”
“I can tell you are still tender, healing.” -“Well-Meaning” Observer What bothers me the most about these sort of statements is how they are usually stated as a way to express compassion for the faithful spouse but really just communicate pity. Who enjoys being the object of pity?! Now, it is true that the infidelity … Continue reading ““I can tell you are still tender and healing.””
“You must not have been meeting his needs.”
“You must not have been meeting his needs.” -Cheater Apologist A version of this statement could also be said to men who discovered their cheating wives. It is victim blaming, pure and simple. The speaker often forgets that two people were not getting their “needs” met if one was not. Yet both did not respond … Continue reading ““You must not have been meeting his needs.””
God On Breaking Up Homes Following Adultery
The Idolatry of “Intact” Homes If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NIV God did not prioritize keeping the marriage together over dealing with the evil of adultery in the Old … Continue reading “God On Breaking Up Homes Following Adultery”
Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?
Dear Divorce Minister, My wife committed adultery 16 years ago. I forgave and renew my vows on tremendously incomplete information. She recently confessed to the entirety of the adultery after we have had 3 wonderful children. I can say with out hesitation I would have not continued in the marriage if I would have known … Continue reading “Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?”
Christian Leaders, “Wilting Daisies” or “Bruised Reeds” cheaters are NOT!
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. – I Corinthians 13:11, NIV Let’s get something straight… A crushed “delicate flower” or a “bruised reed” does not have the energy … Continue reading “Christian Leaders, “Wilting Daisies” or “Bruised Reeds” cheaters are NOT!”
PSA: NOT Your Mess!
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. -2 Corinthians 5:10, KJV Repenting of sins committed against us makes no sense! Yet this is the standard counsel given to … Continue reading “PSA: NOT Your Mess!”
Cheaters Treat Marriage As Disposable
Christian leaders seem to worry that allowing any divorce is to open the flood gates to every divorce. The idea is permitting divorce necessarily means taking a disposable stance towards the covenant of marriage. This is just not so. God does not take marriage lightly, and He is described in the Bible as divorcing Israel: And I saw, when … Continue reading “Cheaters Treat Marriage As Disposable”