Pro-Tip: Do not be shocked if they project their own issues on you! Cheaters are not very good at own their own behaviors. They excel at blaming others for their misdeeds. So, it should come as no surprise that the “sins” or “misdeeds” that they accused their spouses of are likely the misdeeds and sins … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Do not be shocked if they project their own issues on you!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
A prayer and a choice to trust God
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13, NIV I would encourage you to use this verse as a prayer. Put your own name in the “you” slot and … Continue reading “A prayer and a choice to trust God”
That phase
When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses. I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where … Continue reading “That phase”
Do not let them “get” to you!
If you live without restraint and are unable to control your temper, you’re as helpless as a city with broken-down defenses, open to attack. -Proverbs 25:28, TPT Boy, this is a hard one to learn. Cheaters seemed skilled at needling their partner just where they are the most vulnerable. It might be over their “manhood” … Continue reading “Do not let them “get” to you!”
Pastors, adultery needs to be condemned publicly!
“From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit. They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace. Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they … Continue reading “Pastors, adultery needs to be condemned publicly!”
Godly forgiveness is NOT cheap forgiveness
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. -Matthew 5:23-24, NKJV “God forgives me. So what’s your problem?!” -Cheater Does … Continue reading “Godly forgiveness is NOT cheap forgiveness”
Cheater, you are the aggressor, not victim, here!
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NIV Cheater, you are the aggressor, not the victim, here! For whatever reasons, people are often taken in by the pity story a caught cheater spins … Continue reading “Cheater, you are the aggressor, not victim, here!”
Real, good friends suffer with you.
“Let Me Show You the Way” is an old but favorite song from Michael W. Smith. He really captures the heart of true friendship. This song by MWS speaks to what I believe is a human longing. It is a longing for a good friend who loves at a deep, heart-level. These are the friends … Continue reading “Real, good friends suffer with you.”
Pastor to DM: What DO I say to an adultery victim?
“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.” -Matthew 10:42, NIV What DO I say to an adultery victim as a pastor? Yesterday’s post raised this question. Dr. Skinner suggested a … Continue reading “Pastor to DM: What DO I say to an adultery victim?”
Sometimes the criticism just reveals the critic.
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. -Proverbs 10:19, NKJV People’s criticisms say a lot… …but not necessarily anything about the one criticized. This is a lesson impressed upon me during my formal training in clinical pastoral care. It is an important lesson to remember … Continue reading “Sometimes the criticism just reveals the critic.”