Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NIV Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as … Continue reading “More than the individual spouse harmed!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
The distinction lie
“It wasn’t really cheating. Come on! We both know we weren’t close for years.” -Cheater A cheater might draw a distinction in their mind. This distinction allows them to believe their own lie about the infidelity. It helps them to minimize what they did. They are unique because of this distinction. -Maybe your cheater moved … Continue reading “The distinction lie”
Do not wish the pain of adultery discovery on anyone!
While some pastors will talk about not wishing divorce on anyone, I think that is a late wish. The problem is the adultery and its accompanying lies. Sometimes a situation is only remedied through a hard and painful action. Surgery requires cutting into flesh. It is bloody, painful, and costly. Of course, I would wish … Continue reading “Do not wish the pain of adultery discovery on anyone!”
Cheaters return to own “vomit”
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Committing adultery is foolish, foolish behavior. The Bible names it as such in Proverbs 5. And the general observation from chapter twenty-six is that fools repeat such folly. Maybe this does not happen always, but it usually does as this … Continue reading “Cheaters return to own “vomit””
Divorce is NOT “of the Devil!”
“Divorce is of the Devil!” -Christian leader I want to begin this post by owning that this was probably how I would have talked about divorce prior to my own experience with it. My Christian background was very anti-divorce. This made my situation with my first (now ex) wife even more painful than it had to … Continue reading “Divorce is NOT “of the Devil!””
Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair
“Don’t you see it [the cheating] was a cry for help?! If only you had ____ (fill in favorite cheater grievance with faithful spouse) more, then I wouldn’t have cheated.” -Unfaithful spouse Using the “Cry for help” excuse for an affair–either emotional or physical–is manipulation pure and simple. The cheater is using this label to … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair”
Nothing like THOSE “you are doing the Christian thing wrong” lectures…
Got to love those “you are doing the ‘Christian’ thing wrong” lectures from the naive Christian leaders or cheater apologists! Right?! These lectures are really simply another way people blame faithful spouses for their marriages imploding and–sometimes–even for the cheating. It is disgusting. They might take the form of blaming you for not “forgiving” well. … Continue reading “Nothing like THOSE “you are doing the Christian thing wrong” lectures…”
Religious cheaters want both!
You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. -Malachi 2:14, NLT Religious cheaters are not satisfied with simply cheating. … Continue reading “Religious cheaters want both!”
Cheater-Speak: “I wasn’t trying. It just happened.”
“I wasn’t trying to cheat on you. It just sort of ‘happened.’” -Cheater A cheater speaking like this is an unrepentant cheater. How do I know? Well, repentance starts with the honesty of owning one’s own choices and behavior. The cheater speaking like this is not being honest on those fronts. Adultery is just something that … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I wasn’t trying. It just happened.””
Beware of power struggles!
But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.” -Matthew 20:25, NLT “You will just keep that [her cheating] over her head forever [if she stayed married to you].” -Cheater apologist Some people view all relationships … Continue reading “Beware of power struggles!”