“I was afraid you would get angry. That is why I did not tell you [I was cheating on you].” -Cheater Isn’t it amazing how a Cheater can make their lying your fault? Now, we know their lies are their lies. However, Cheaters are adept at shifting blame. In this mind trick: The speaker is blaming their … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid you would get angry…””
Category: Anger
Need to be assertive
After learning about the cheating, it is imperative to be assertive. This is why anger is helpful. I struggled with this one, honestly. The fear of the future and wishing to avoid divorce at all costs–initially–led me to make mistakes. The advice out there for Christians–especially–is generally unhelpful with this. It has a tendency to … Continue reading “Need to be assertive”
Bitterness or anger over injustice?
God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Christians are quick to judge faithful spouses as “bitter” without pausing to consider another–more likely–origin of such strong anger: Injustice. To be angry at injustice is a good and godly response to have. It is not “bitterness” but … Continue reading “Bitterness or anger over injustice?”
Anger fades with work and passage of time
God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. I will say that again: Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. When we do not feel angry over such injustice and wickedness, something is seriously wrong with our walk with the Lord. He is angry … Continue reading “Anger fades with work and passage of time”
Something “rash”
“Don’t do anything rash,” insists pastor to faithful spouse upon the cheating discovery. Now, I agree to some degree with this advice. The problem is how it is applied. What “rash” means here matters. Often times, the pastor saying this is trying to “save” the marriage. They say this to dissuade a faithful spouse from … Continue reading “Something “rash””
Hate and Adultery
Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. -Romans 12:9b, NIV “If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.” -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Hate gets such an undeserved reputation among Christians. Sometimes the right thing to do is to hate. Evil … Continue reading “Hate and Adultery”
Wanting to revisit
Cheaters are often in their own fantasy worlds. They might think they get to dictate the narrative and reality; however, they find that they do not truly have that power. This frustrates and angers them. So, watch out when you set that boundary. Some might want to revisit your relationship and talk about “what went … Continue reading “Wanting to revisit”
Cheater-Speak: “I didn’t tell you because…”
“I didn’t tell you, because I thought you’d get angry.” -Cheater Let’s start to unpack this “gem” of a cheater-speak: 1. The cheater is aware that what he or she did might be upsetting to the faithful spouse, yet still did it. This is another reason why I am in the camp that cheaters have full knowledge … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I didn’t tell you because…””
Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. -Proverbs 17:28 More Christians could learn from that fool from Proverbs 17:28 who held his tongue when it comes to marriages ravaged by adultery. Sadly, the advice (and condemnation) come all too freely for faithful spouses. Here a few … Continue reading “Dumb Stuff “Christians” Say Regarding Cheating Situations”
What that verse on revenge does NOT say…
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “What that verse on revenge does NOT say…”