26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, NIV Christians are notorious for assuming the right course of action is pursuit when dealing with a cheater. … Continue reading “Pursue them? Jesus did?”
Category: Reconciliation
Even Jesus accepted the fact of rejection
“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me.” -Matthew 23:37, NLT Jesus wanted to see the Jewish people turn to him. We see this in this … Continue reading “Even Jesus accepted the fact of rejection”
When they are more concerned about how you found out…
Pro-Tip: When the cheater is more concerned about how you found out than the damaged they did to you, then you know they are not remorseful. This is the behavior of someone who is looking for the source of the leaked information. People ask such questions to continue their behavior. They are looking to plug … Continue reading “When they are more concerned about how you found out…”
Lack of gratitude is a major red flag!
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” -Luke 7:47, NIV The amount of gratitude ought to match the amount forgiven. This is one lesson I take from Jesus’ teaching in this verse. And it is an important spiritual lesson … Continue reading “Lack of gratitude is a major red flag!”
False hope feeding
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “False hope feeding”
PSA: Contempt indicates the marriage is truly DONE!
When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes, And with dishonor comes scorn. -Proverbs 18:3, NASB Public Service Announcement (PSA): When a cheater shows contempt for you, it is time to leave the relationship. I am talking more than simply the act of cheating–which is truly an act of contempt. Rather, I am talking about interactions with … Continue reading “PSA: Contempt indicates the marriage is truly DONE!”
If your cheater is still making demands…
If your cheater is still making demands…. …then you can be assured that they are not really sorry about cheating and did not really “get” the devastation of their sin against you. A person who cheats and grasps how awful a betrayal it is will not then turn on the faithful party to make relationship … Continue reading “If your cheater is still making demands…”
“I thought we were all called to a ministry of reconciliation? With cheaters included.”
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…. – 2 Corinthians 5:18, NIV Do we not all have the ministry of reconciliation as followers of Christ? Does that include reconciling with Cheaters? The obvious answer to the first question is “Yes, we are called … Continue reading ““I thought we were all called to a ministry of reconciliation? With cheaters included.””
Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!”
You will always be treated as “The Problem.”
When a cheater is done with their spouse, they will treat the spouse as “The Problem.” This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse … Continue reading “You will always be treated as “The Problem.””