Dear DM, What do you do with this? I came here tonight because I am desperate. As I get closer to God I realize that doesn’t guarantee an answer about what I am supposed to do. My husband acts as if we’re fine everything is fine but it’s almost INSANE. What is your problem, “why … Continue reading “Mailbag: What do you do with this?”
Category: Reconciliation
Guilt, not shame
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Guilt, not shame”
Philip Yancey Confesses Near Decade Affair
To my great shame, I confess that for eight years I willfully engaged in a sinful affair with a married woman. My conduct defied everything that I believe about marriage. It was also totally inconsistent with my faith and my writings and caused deep pain for her husband and both of our families. -Philip Yancey … Continue reading “Philip Yancey Confesses Near Decade Affair”
A certain pastoral stance
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Issues With “For the Marriage” Pastoral Stance Sometimes, pastors, you cannot both be … Continue reading “A certain pastoral stance”
Kingdom Incompatibility
How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT Cheaters have declared allegiance to the Kingdom of Darkness by their choices and actions. They speak in the language of their chosen kingdom–i.e. lies–and they choose to walk in darkness instead of light. This is the fundamental … Continue reading “Kingdom Incompatibility”
Not Cheap!
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. -Matthew 5:23-24, NKJV “God forgives me. So what’s your problem?!” -Cheater Does … Continue reading “Not Cheap!”
Waste of time
“But now bring charges against Israel—your mother— for she is no longer my wife, and I am no longer her husband. Tell her to remove the prostitute’s makeup from her face and the clothing that exposes her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2, NLT Staying with a cheater is often a waste of time. Cheaters often do not … Continue reading “Waste of time”
Bad Advice: “Love her back!”
“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2, NIV Love her back! So often, this advice is what is given as the “Christian” answer to marital infidelity. It is an … Continue reading “Bad Advice: “Love her back!””
Need to preach about righteous divorces
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “Need to preach about righteous divorces”
Still making demands?
If your cheater is still making demands…. …then you can be assured that they are not really sorry about cheating and did not really “get” the devastation of their sin against you. A person who cheats and grasps how awful a betrayal it is will not then turn on the faithful party to make relationship … Continue reading “Still making demands?”