“If only you would have done everything to bring in money, then I wouldn’t be so miserable.” -Cheater Some Cheaters genuinely believe their spouse is responsible for their feelings, especially their happiness or lack thereof. This is a losing proposition for faithful spouses. We cannot succeed in this rigged game. Humans are responsible for their … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….””
Category: Sin
No excuse. Period.
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV With the way faithful spouses are handled after adultery discovery, you would think this verse from the Ten Commandments said something different. “Thou shalt not commit adultery” [UNLESS]… …you have a difficult marriage. …you are not getting “enough” sex. …your spouse isn’t connecting with you emotionally like … Continue reading “No excuse. Period.”
Avoid using your Cheater’s therapist!
Public Service Announcement: Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling! One of my many mistakes with my first marriage’s demise was agreeing to see my (now ex) wife’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling. The therapist and her had worked with each other for months, if not years, by that point. I knew … Continue reading “Avoid using your Cheater’s therapist!”
Built up negative marriage fantasy
“Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say.” -John 8:43, NIV “When he [the devil] speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. But because I tell the truth, you do not believe Me.” -John … Continue reading “Built up negative marriage fantasy”
“Bitter” used to discredit and dismiss
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. See that no one is sexually immoral…. -Hebrews 12:15-16a, NIV I am troubled. What bothers me is how the word “bitter” is used to discredit and silence victims of adultery. … Continue reading ““Bitter” used to discredit and dismiss”
Ultimate Defiance – Defying God
“Do everything they say to you,” the Lord replied, “for they are rejecting me, not you. They don’t want me to be their king any longer.” -I Samuel 8:7, NLT For whatever reason, recognizing the larger picture is helpful. Cheaters are not “just” rejecting their spouse. They are rejecting God. They may say otherwise. In fact, they … Continue reading “Ultimate Defiance – Defying God”
Wondering… Do they?
I wonder… …do some Cheaters ever even consider they might be the problem. Of course, the usual course of these things is to externalize the problem. They blame their spouse. Or they might blame the affair partner. Another candidate might be the stresses of work. Cheaters have a long list of things or people to blame … Continue reading “Wondering… Do they?”
Resource on healing — “Rightly Assigning Blame”
“The crux of the teaching is that the foundation of all abuse is the misassignment of responsibility. So the abuse victim accepts that assignment of responsibility as being theirs.” -Bob Hamp in Episode 277: What the Healing Journey Looks Like, Flying Free Podcast, page 6 (transcript). Last week, I taught a group on the subject … Continue reading “Resource on healing — “Rightly Assigning Blame””
Meditating on Psalm 89:14
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you. -Psalm 89:14, NIV I believe adultery is affront to the very throne or authority of God. As the Psalmist states here, we see love and faithfulness as linked to the symbol of God’s authority–i.e. His throne. Adultery is the opposite … Continue reading “Meditating on Psalm 89:14”
Lacking Self-Esteem? Really?!
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV While a cheater might blame their cheating on a lack of self-esteem, I find this excuse rather lame. They “esteemed” themselves so much that they took or gave what did not belong … Continue reading “Lacking Self-Esteem? Really?!”