Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…”
Category: Sin
Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims
“It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.” … Continue reading “Why support is so thin for faithful spouses–aka adultery victims”
Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “Beware of ethics stance at AAMFT!”
But she said she would never…
She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “But she said she would never…”
No outrunning or truly winning!
“Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds!” -Galatians 6:7-8a, MSG Cheater seems happy and prosperous while I struggle to make … Continue reading “No outrunning or truly winning!”
Outsider “forgiveness concern” vs “repentance concern”
…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. (They usually come from well-meaning–but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf–Christians): “So, have you forgiven her?” “Where are … Continue reading “Outsider “forgiveness concern” vs “repentance concern””
Easier to blame than repent
+Picture of a mole caught in a trap But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands. -Jonah 3:8, KJV Let’s be honest: Repenting and facing one’s “demons” is hard work! This is … Continue reading “Easier to blame than repent”
Reason to be concerned – Spiritual Destination of Cheaters
26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, NIV Do I think unrepentant adulterous spouses are going to Hell? I would answer you with a question: … Continue reading “Reason to be concerned – Spiritual Destination of Cheaters”
Cheater engaging in a series of affairs
When you have a cheater engaging in a series of affairs, you have someone who is trying to fix the internal with the external. This is not about the marriage. The affairs reveal a heart that is in need of spiritual and emotional healing. It is an internal issue within the cheater needing addressing. A … Continue reading “Cheater engaging in a series of affairs”
What treatment will you tolerate?
What treatment will you tolerate? Faithful spouses, we have choices. We have agency in these matters. Those choices or options are not very good ones, true. It is a buffet of bad options. But we DO have choices! We do not have to stay in an adulterous and abusive marriage (see Mt 19:9). The option … Continue reading “What treatment will you tolerate?”