Cheater: “I had an emotional affair, but I sorted it all with my individual therapist and am fine. The problem is my spouse.”
Pastoral Care Provider: “Spouse, don’t you see you’ve divorced them in your heart?!”
If you experience something like this, find another pastoral care provider. They are not giving godly advice.
The provider took the cheater redirect bait. Instead of the hard work of focusing on the infidelity, they decided to attack the faithful spouse.
Since cheating is an exhibition of contempt for the faithful spouse, this is just enabling further contemptful treatment.
What faithful spouses need in these situations is a no-nonsense provider who refuses to be redirected off the infidelity. They need to be wary of cheaters and their excuses for cheating.
In other words, a good pastoral care provider needs a biblical view of sin where the sinner is FULLY responsible for their sin–namely, cheating on their spouse (see 2 Cor. 5:10).
Cheaters got this this point by excusing their sin to themselves. They need a cold-bucket of water if there is hope for them to repent. What they do not need is someone joining in on them pointing fingers at their infidelity victim!
