For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. -Isaiah 58:2, NIV Some cheaters excel at doing things that make them look like “good” Christians. That is part of the trauma … Continue reading “Do not be fooled by religious behavior”
Author: Divorce Minister
Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.”
![Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.”](https://i0.wp.com/www.divorceminister.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/wp-1581450674782.jpg?fit=1200%2C515&ssl=1)
“I cheated on you emotionally. But don’t worry. I already worked through it with my individual therapist.” -Cheater Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. -Genesis 6:4b, NLT I wonder how many here have heard something like this from their cheater. The cheater has declared themselves “fixed” but are unwilling “to show … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.””
The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors
If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. -Galatians 5:15, NIV When you tell your denomination or church about your cheating spouse and the divorce, the hope is for support. Sadly, this hope is often dashed by evangelical leaders who are stuck in ungodly divorce prejudice. … Continue reading “The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors”
Healing comes in time. It does.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. -Matthew 5:4, KJV Today, I was struck by the progress I have made in my healing journey. This came to mind as I was listening to someone teach on leaving an abuser. Fresh off my divorce, this teaching would have been too painful for me. … Continue reading “Healing comes in time. It does.”
Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations”
If your (ex) in-laws are focusing on your “flaws,” save your breath.
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. -Matthew 7:5, KJV When your (ex) in-laws are lecturing your about your “marriage failures,” you need to understand that they are part of the problem. Such lectures are unlikely to have … Continue reading “If your (ex) in-laws are focusing on your “flaws,” save your breath.”
Cheaters are quitters
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. -Proverbs 3:3, NIV Cheaters have quit on the marriage. They have decided to go outside of the marriage to feed their sinful desires. Instead of repentance, many choose to double down on the wide and easy … Continue reading “Cheaters are quitters”
What about the “unmet needs” of the faithful spouse?
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV When adultery is discovered, many pastors and Christian counselors seem to lose their minds. They quickly jump into sleuthing mode looking for “deficiencies” in the marriage–not the cheater. All the focus is on the entitled cheater’s desires. It is a double standard. Two people were in the … Continue reading “What about the “unmet needs” of the faithful spouse?”
Bad sign when she is more worried about people knowing
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. -John 3:20, NIV Priorities are completely upended with cheaters. A Christian whose mind was not held captive by lies and deception would be ashamed of his or her cheating behavior. They would be … Continue reading “Bad sign when she is more worried about people knowing”
Not gonna out smart God!
…and be sure your sin will find you out. -Numbers 32:23b, KJV He catches the wise in their craftiness, and the schemes of the wily are swept away. -Job 5:13, NIV From my cheater’s response in the initial confrontation over her adulterous affair, I am convinced she thought I would never discover her cheating. She … Continue reading “Not gonna out smart God!”