In defense of men during this #metoo moment

I am a man. I am an ordained evangelical minister. And I am not ashamed of those facts! What troubles me about some reactions to the Andy Savage story is how they assume this is normal behavior of evangelical ministers or even young Christian men. It is not! We are not all predators. When I was … Continue reading “In defense of men during this #metoo moment”

Andy Savage, clergy sexual abuser, loses marriage book contract.

The Ridiculously Good Marriage, a planned book by Memphis-area, megachurch, Pastor Andy Savage, was recently cancelled by Bethany House (link here). This is good news in my opinion. This publishing house made this decision following recent news that Andy Savage sexually assaulted a teenager while he was her youth pastor twenty years ago. I am encouraged to … Continue reading “Andy Savage, clergy sexual abuser, loses marriage book contract.”

Mailbag: What do I do with an enabling MIL?

Dear Divorce Minister, ….back in Feb. I discovered my husband of 20 years had been having a 2 year affair. About 2 weeks later I discovered that my MIL, who prides herself on being an ‘upstanding Christian woman’ who attends church twice a week, knew about the affair! I caught my husband by using a … Continue reading “Mailbag: What do I do with an enabling MIL?”

Seeking Forgiveness or Accountability Avoidance?

Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the word of the Lord by doing this, your child will die.” -2 Samuel 12:13-14, NLT Is the cheater asking for forgiveness or simply seeking to avoid … Continue reading “Seeking Forgiveness or Accountability Avoidance?”

Cheater, focus on YOUR part!

“She will just keep this hanging over my head. I don’t think she will ever really forgive me.” -Cheater to pastor Cheater, focus on YOUR own part! A wise pastor and Christian counselor will not take this bait to bash the faithful spouse. Instead, he or she will remind the cheater that he only controls … Continue reading “Cheater, focus on YOUR part!”

Pastors, we are past talking marriage enrichment issues.

Pastors, we–faithful spouses–are past talking about marriage enrichment issues. One of the many annoying things about talking to some Christians about infidelity is how they seem incapable of basic spiritual care triage. They do not understand how working on “communication skills” is not going to save a marriage where one partner refuses to stop banging … Continue reading “Pastors, we are past talking marriage enrichment issues.”

Real Christians hate adultery!

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. -Romans 12:9, NLT Real Christians hate adultery because adultery is wrong! You would think this is a given among Christians and pastors, but faithful spouses–like myself–have discovered otherwise. This good hate is conspicuously absent. In fact,I … Continue reading “Real Christians hate adultery!”

Kindness Stories Inspire Tears

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23, NIV (emphasis mine) Without fail, I find myself tearing up when I hear stories of kindness. The stranger that stops for another in need and offers of themselves when they didn’t have to. I … Continue reading “Kindness Stories Inspire Tears”

PSA: Being “miserable” is no excuse to cheat!

Public Service Announcement: Being “miserable” is no excuse to cheat! What astounds me is how some pastors do not think this one through very well. They “joke” about their wives “putting up” with them even in the presence of a divorce pastor whose wife cheated on him. They fail to see how insensitive that “joke” … Continue reading “PSA: Being “miserable” is no excuse to cheat!”