Cheaters seem to enjoy toying with their spouses. I remember this phase as such a hurtful time. In one moment, I had hope, and then the other it was shattered. It sucked. This is when having clear-eyed friends is so critical. Faithful spouses need the difficult truth in these moments so that they do not … Continue reading “Toying with you”
Deceitful Cheater Hearts
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? -Jeremiah 17:9, KJV I think this verse is especially true of the so called “Christian” cheaters. They lie to themselves first. Then they lie to others. If you were not the recipient of the harm, you could almost feel pity for … Continue reading “Deceitful Cheater Hearts”
Forgiveness Over Repentance Focused
“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.” -Luke 17:3b, NLT I wonder if you have experienced versions of these questions or statements. They usually come from well-meaning (but emotionally and biblically tone-deaf) Christians: “So, have you forgiven her?” “Where are you at in forgiving him?” “I hope you can … Continue reading “Forgiveness Over Repentance Focused”
Fellowship of the Forsaken
“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” -Matthew 27:46b, KJV When I was struggling the most, these words from Jesus brought me the greatest comfort. They were reminders to me that God understood the pain and suffering that I was enduring. He could relate. Jesus understands what it meant to suffer unjustly. Jesus understands … Continue reading “Fellowship of the Forsaken”
Lifestyle of Lies Problem
“You belong to your father, the devil… When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44a,c, NIV When lies become a lifestyle, it is hard to break free of those bad habits. This is why I have such a low estimation of a cheater’s … Continue reading “Lifestyle of Lies Problem”
“There, but for the grace of God, go I” Minimization
“There, but for the grace of God, go I.” This statement looks like such a “humble” thing to say. However, it serves to minimize abuse and centers compassion on the abuser, not his victims. People who say these things do not “get it.” They fail to understand how the abuse of infidelity abuse works. In … Continue reading ““There, but for the grace of God, go I” Minimization”
PSA: Emotional Affairs Are Excluded, Too!
Public Service Announcement: The marriage vow of “forsaking all others” excludes emotional affairs, too! I say this to emphasize the need to take emotional affairs seriously. When a spouse cares more about how a third party partner feels than their own spouse, they are breaking their sacred marriage vows. They have given their heart to … Continue reading “PSA: Emotional Affairs Are Excluded, Too!”
An “escape”
But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. -Proverbs 6:32, NIV An escape from reality Cheaters are people who choose a fantasy over reality. They pursue and develop deceitful relationships. Like anything built on lies, this escape is not to a good place. This is another reason faithful spouses cannot … Continue reading “An “escape””
Hold up, now!
“I cheated, but I’m fine now after talking with my individual therapist. We’re here to deal with what drove me to do that,” says manipulative Cheater. Hold up, now! This is the proper response to such a statement. A wise pastor ought to slow down the train and help point out cheating is NOT a … Continue reading “Hold up, now!”
Does Jesus draw a line in pursuing?
26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, NIV Christians are notorious for assuming the right course of action is pursuit when dealing with a cheater. … Continue reading “Does Jesus draw a line in pursuing?”