For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey,
and her mouth is smoother than oil.-Proverbs 5:3, NLT
Personally, I despise people using the term “exit affair” to describe an affair allegedly utilized to end a marriage.
It minimizes the pain of the faithful spouse who not only was soul raped but also was abandoned in the process. I consider such terminology adding insult to injury.
And I am convinced it is a sneaky way to blame the faithful spouse for the divorce–plus, maybe even the cheating. The marriage was already doomed to die after all due to how miserable the cheater felt in it.
The “noble” cheater just took one for the team by doing something that forced what they both “knew” was best for them–i.e. getting divorced.
We do not talk this way in talking about embezzlement.
An employee who embezzles funds is not given an understanding “pass” just because he was miserable at his job.
The act of embezzlement is not treated as noble. It is a crime. How happy or miserable the employee was at the time of the embezzlement is really irrelevant to the morality of his act.
We also do not explore how happy or unhappy the embezzler was at his job in order to ascertain who is responsible for stealing funds.
Also, it is irrelevant if the embezzler lacked courage to resign prior to embezzling. Embezzling funds is not an acceptable way to leave an employer.
Even a miserably employed individual who committed the act of embezzlement is still fully responsible for the crime HE committed.
Adultery is adultery. Even if the affair happens at the end of the marriage, this does not make the adultery less of a sin. It does not make it less of an evil.
And committing adultery at the end of a marriage does not make the faithful spouse even partially responsible for the cheating, marriage-quitter’s actions!
I read your blog frequently DM and want to continue to thank you for speaking out.
I too have an issue with the term “Exit Affair”. 1) The faithful spouse is not the cause of their sin. Their lack of morals, lack of listening to the Holy Spirit is the cause of their sin. In addition if you continue the sin, do you continue to blame the faithful spouse again and again for you to continue to sin? 2) If you really had issues with your spouse, you need to talk to them and seek Godly counsel in addition. Most issues can be worked out if you are willing to work. An “Exit Affair” is lazy. 3) If the adulterer does not work through those issues, every future relationship, either with their friends, family, children, business, and future spouses will be compromised. 4)Blaming the faithful spouse also compromises their future relationships. They are the one with the therapy bills, anxiety, depression and trust issues.
This verse in Proverbs can also be used in the male view also.
Agreed.
Hello DM,
I as the faithful spouse told my ex husband this. He always talked about how he was so unhappy and how we weren’t on the same page. I did say to him that he kept cheating even after discovery and pretending to reconcile so that I would file for divorce. He wants to be able to say She divorced me.
The hurt and betrayal is so bad anyway that one can become numb to all of the craziness. Maybe it’s Gods way of protecting us (the numbness) until we can slowly deal with all of the messiness a little at a time; until we get to complete healing.