“The people of Nineveh will stand up against this generation on judgment day and condemn it, for they repented of their sins at the preaching of Jonah. Now someone greater than Jonah is here–but you refuse to repent.”
-Matthew 12:41, NLT
Does repentance seem necessary for forgiveness (and salvation) according to these words from Jesus to the religious folk of his day?
Absolutely. Yes.
Without a doubt, these words make the order of repentance before forgiveness crystal clear. The people of Nineveh would have perished apart from repenting.
Forgiveness did not come first! Repentance did.
God is not “bitter” for requiring us to follow this order. Is He?
Jesus is not teaching us to sin by teaching us how God forgives in these instances. Is He?
God apparently does not forgive those who refuse to repent.
I point these words out because they are words from Jesus. They are words that need to inform how we think about forgiveness in the context of unrepentant cheaters.
Forgiveness is available to all. It is available to the religious people in Jesus’ day. However, that forgiveness is without effect for them if they refused to repent of their sins.
For us as faithful spouses, I believe the furthest we can go on the road of forgiveness with some cheaters is to entrust them to God. God will then decide whether or not they are refusing to repent (and ergo, they are in the same camp as those religious people in Jesus’ day).
To break the relationship between repentance prior to forgiveness is to teach an unbiblical forgiveness as these words (Mt 12:41 AND Lk 17:3) from Jesus illustrate!
In your book, “Cheated On”, you go into detail on what real repentance looks like. It was an eye opener for me, because it made me realize my cheater never did REALLY repent for cheating on me. She merely said she was sorry – in a letter. She never strived to make amends thereafter, or do any of the things you mention in your book that real repentors do to show they have turned away from their sin regardless of the consequences to come. I often wondered if I was being too harsh for going “no contact” after that, but now I don’t think so…..it was the right thing to do.
Glad that it helped! Yes, no contact sounds wise in that situation.
Dan, same here, my cheater wanted to reconcile but never changed her behavior. She said I’m sorry but her actions never changed.
A few months ago I found another number under my private fb settings. I called it to hear the voicemail of a woman we used to go to church with.
I was stunned. I wrote her number down and deleted it from my iPod from where I found it.
I took my husbands phone and went up to the store to see if there was anything on her. Nothing! I deleted everything on history. Checked it three times. It was all gone for sure!
He got up in the middle of the night to deal with a dog issue. We were talking so I decided to tell him. I told him I found another number under my private settings. I told him it was someone from our old church.
He said nothing. I told him who it was. He said nothing. I told him I found it extremely odd. We went back to bed.
I got up in the morning and picked up his phone to check the weather. He was outside.
I turned it on and this woman’s name was coming up on the bottom of his screen in typed blue letters. I stared at it for 2 minutes to make sure I wasn’t crazy. It was real and I saw it.
I pressed message and it disappeared. There was no text or message from her.
He came in and I told him. He had no idea. Later in the day( we had been out all morning running errands) we got a text from a young adult kid that they had made it to work. Thank God my kids are grown.
I read it and texted her back. We were sitting at a desk ordering something hence me picking it up. I texted kid back and went to safari history. Only thing on there was gmail app.
He and I have a yahoo email together. He says he never had a gmail account.
I showed it to him. He said nothing. I dropped it. Fast forward to last weekend. We are out for my birthday dinner when in comes woman and her son. They don’t see us and walk past our table. One of my kids notices them. They don’t know.
I say, too bad I don’t have my iPod- I’d hand it to her so she could put my number on again… lol. Grown son sitting next to me is like What??? So I tell him. That was it.
When they leave, she walks out first and doesn’t see us. Her grown son who comes out later sees us and stops to talk. I have no problem with him.
He leaves and I can see him in the gift part of store telling him Mom he saw us. Did I mention that I did call her 3 days later to mention that her number was on my private fb settings. Of course she had no idea and said she doesn’t have fb. I didn’t believe her. She changed the subject to her son and started bashing him. I got off quick.
My husband and I had a huge argument days later. I told him I wanted to know why her name came up on his phone that morning! This was before I even talked to her!
It was pretty bad. I’ve been told from 3 people that her name could not appear unless there was some kind of contact.
He says he has no idea. Says I should ask her. He knew I called her. I told him I don’t need to talk to her again.
A couple of days ago he called a grown son right in front of me. He asked son to call cell phone carrier and ask why a name would come up like that. Son did and said phone carrier said there is no humanly way that can happen without contact. I asked him to repeat again. He did.
My husband says he has no idea. I say BS!!! Our son in the military is coming home for Thanksgiving. I will wait until afterwards.
I’m not super techie but I’m not stupid. He took the gmail app off his phone and says he’s never had a separate email.
I made myself one and am going to do some experimenting when son goes back.
Techie people…. Do you think there was an email exchange that morning? I need to know???
Thanks David for letting me ask on here. Have a Beautiful Thanksgiving with your Beautiful family! I will also and will be making a decision soon!!