Asking Readers: What has Divorce Minister meant to you?

Asking Readers: What has Divorce Minister meant to you?

Since starting this blog about four years ago, I have experienced pressure to shut it down from time to time. People apparently find my core message here: “Taking Adultery Seriously” offensive.

Who knew a spiritual leader teaching we should ACTUALLY live by the Ten Commandments would be so controversial?!

Understanding that those critics (and some neutral observers) sometime visit my blog, I thought it might be instructive for them to see concrete stories about how this blog has helped people.

In fact, I think it would be good for all of us to “hear” such testimonies.

So, I am reaching out to you, my readers, today:

Would you please leave a comment on this post below answering these questions:

How has “Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously” helped you? And/or what does it mean to you personally that the Divorce Minister blog exists?


Thanks (in advance),


22 thoughts on “Asking Readers: What has Divorce Minister meant to you?”

  1. I have found understanding, empathy, survival support, words to describe the anguish of the ultimate betrayal (soul rape).
    It’s a nice change from being blamed for someone else’s sin(s) and held responsible for their actions.
    I felt beat up & revictimized/bullied before finding Divorce Minister (& two or other sites.)
    I’m curious about what they don’t like.
    What do they find offensive about ministering to victims of adultery?

  2. How Divorce Minuster taking adultery serious has helped me. I grew up in the church and when it comes to holding men accountable for adultery it doesn’t happen. It’s always easier to blame the wife for not doing her part then it is to hold men to accountability and righteous living. DM you hold the adulter accountable and you help the faithful spouse understand what the word truly says about adultery.
    How has this blog helped me because it has helped me identify what I am feeling and to seek God on true healing which may not involve reconciliation but it does involve forgiveness. It takes time I am so glad the God doesn’t treat us like people can we would be a a very desperate condition.
    Thank you DM for speaking truth in love.

  3. Divorce minister was the first truly helpful site I found on adultery. It gave me the scriptural reference to show that sin is never justified and that even God acknowledges this with a provision and command to divorce in the case of adultery.

    This site takes the blame off the victim and empowers the victim to move forward with the strength of God.

    I cannot say enough good about how finding this site gave me the wisdom to move foreward divorcing my cheater who had fallen away from God and the church. I have a supportive clergy and friends but the clearly stated thoughts and principles on this site were a godsend.

  4. Unless one experiences their husband’s unexplainable leaving of their marriage and family for another woman, they cannot understand. I was lucky in that my church family and pastor were all supportive of me. My faith in God was shaken but ultimately became stronger, my two teenage boys however are turning away from the church – since their father was and still claims to be a Christian serving God they cannot rectify the hypocrisy (ex spouse left church where he served as congregational president and is likely attending Catholic mass with his twice divorced older woman that he has a “spiritual connection” with). There is so much devastation, questioning, and utter grief that most in society just want to turn away from – a site that provides understanding, God’s words, and hope for the future is needed. It is so hard to see my ex husband’s life go on with no consequences (kept his job in a supposedly “Christian organization” despite the affair starting their with an employee) this site reinforces my need to trust adultery is taken seriously by God, and He has good planned for me even when things appear hopeless. Again, those that have not experienced the ultimate betrayal of their spouse have no understanding of how much this site is needed.

  5. 1. You’re able to articulate what I feel, which is what I believe is fundamental to heal from an unfaithful ex spouse.

    2. You shed light on a global issue that has a negative impact on children.

    3. You’re point of view are productive and encouraging.

    4. You give me hope and have been instrumental in helping me pave my path.

    You should not stop this blog, you should expand it.

  6. This site had been an immeasurable help to me. The understanding that God is for marriage, which means you do not break faith (which causes divorce!) is a foundation that I have learned here and has helped me to be solid in the fact that I am for marriage, the problem can’t be named divorce when it’s adultery that caused the break, the problem is adultery. I find grace here and encouragement to forgive and follow Gods word, but not the unbiblical pressure to reconcile even though that would be a possibility IF there is repentence, but not expected, it would be a miracle. The understanding that different sins have different consequences has helped me muck through the accusations of me also being a sinner, so each sin is the same before God, when actually in scripture there are different consequences to sins. The understanding of the forgiveness of God and reconciling with Him being different than the relationship between the faithful and betrayed spouse was something I needed to hear. There is always hope the the betrayer to be made right with God, even if the marriage was destroyed by their actions.
    There are many days when God has used what you have written DM to specifically speak to my heart on issues that I was struggling with and I have been so thankful. Keep writing!!! I love God and want to obey Him, so navigating through this has been difficult and I needed to hear from someone who loves God and is knowledgable in the word to speak truth over and over. This has been put on your heart and gifts given to you to make this happen for a reason!! Keep going!!!

  7. I love your sincere compassion and concern for people who have been terribly hurt and betrayed by their spouses. Jesus proclaimed of himself:

    The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;
    he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted,
    to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty them that are bruised,
    To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. Luke 4:18-19 (KJV)

    This blog follows in those footsteps, reiterating messages that are in keeping with Jesus’ stated ministry. I used the KJ version because of the wording… poor, brokenhearted, captive, bruised. My Christian mother was all these things, because she was married to a very abusive and (likely) adulterous man.

    But she kept trying and trying to hold the family together, walking on eggshells, terrorized, humiliated, degraded, beaten down. She felt it was not a Christian thing to get a divorce, and she was also worried about what he would do to us children if she tried to divorce him. She did finally get the courage to divorce him after almost 3 decades of marriage.

    Even though I’m an older middle-aged person now, I come here to find the sympathy and validation for my family experience. I know Jesus loves my mom, and he didn’t want her to suffer so much evil at the hands of her husband.

    Most pastors these days are Pharisees who view marriage in a very legalistic sense, instead of looking at the suffering of the sincere spouse. Jesus would never do that, and DM, you don’t either. Thank you for standing for people, instead of the system.

  8. It’s been a lifeline of sorts for me. Yes, the Lord is ultimately my life line but I’ve been able to come here and read and vent with those who understand so thank you!

    It’s been 2 years for me and my husband has said all along that there was no affair. The circumstantial evidence has been ridiculous.

  9. My husband of 29 years spent most of that time cheating on me while he professed to be a Christian and was often in leadership positions in the church. His sense of entitlement as the “head” of our family and my own desire to do what I believed was right before God kept me in a an abusive relationship and hurt our children. My church taught that divorce was a grievous sin committed by those outside of His good will. In my family, church, and circle of friends, divorce is shameful. But God is a loving Father who delivered me when I could not find the strength to leave on my own. One day my husband served me with papers. I found Divorce Minister’s blog and it was the lifeline I needed to keep m faith alive. DM proclaims God’s truth with clarity in the midst of the muddled confusion propagated by “Christian” teaching that refuses to take the sin of adultery seriously. I lost my friends and my church but everyday I thank God for delivering me out of such a dark place. I continue to read DM’s blog everyday to be reminded that there are others who love the truth and that God is clear in His condemnation of adultery. I went back to school and became a nurse and now, at almost 50 years old, I am beginning a new life and God is blessing me with peace and provision. My children and I are in the process of healing and I wouldn’t go back for anything. Thank you DM, for your very precious ministry.

  10. I am in the same position as Marie. 2 years and no affair in the face of overwhelming evidence. Even the affair partner’s wife calling me and telling me.
    I have just discovered this site, but sites like this and chump lady have been a life-line.

    1. Are you saying that even after the affair partners spouse called, they still denied. This can all be so hard and confusing because of how we really want to believe them.

  11. My husband hooked up with a serial cheater bimbo he met at the gym. He turns my life and my families lives upside down. Finally someone did not make excuses for his disgusting behavior and tell to cower to him. God helped me thru this and so did this website

  12. Divorce minister….. my wife is a serial cheater. I caught her with 6 different men in the past 15 of our 20 year marriage and suspect many other affairs as well. The pain is unbelievable and the damage to my self esteem was huge. ….I have tried every reconciliation program out there. Only to be chumped once again. You are an extremely rare and important voice in the Christian world while many have excused my wife’s behavior. Shutting down this blog would leave many hurting people such as myself lost in a world where the victim is blamed for their spouses affair…..this is the time for you to lean on God and continue your purpose in this blog. Just remember 2 Timothy 1:7

  13. I have been divorced for a year and a half now, due to serial adultery by my former husband. This blog has helped me so much to heal. There are almost no other online resources with a Biblical foundation that place the emphasis on righteousness over reconciliation. Your writing has helped me to view how I was sinned against from a Biblical perspective and has helped me have confidence in the choices I have made and helped reassure me of the freedom I have in Christ. No unbiblical advice, judgment, or expectations.

    I am one of the rare, very blessed individuals with an incredibly supportive church family and a wise biblical pastor. Yet there’s still so much shame I feel. You have helped me process that and gain an understanding of it and move past it. Despite the help I receive from my church family, the process of healing from a hurt like this is so intense and lengthy that I worry I am a burden to others. I don’t feel comfortable talking with people at church about it all the time yet it still affects me every day. It was traumatic and it is something I will never forget. Having this place to come to helps me feel less alone and more understood.

    I came across your blog about 2 months before my husband moved out. It’s now 2 years later and up until last month, I came here every. single. day. I needed it. I believe God led me to it at just the right time. I continue to visit about once a week and probably will for a while.

    Thank you for the time and effort and sacrifice you have given to help others. As long as there is adultery, this will be needed. As long as there are “Christians” who value intact families above holiness, this will be needed. As long as there are “friends” who sin by not confronting immoral behavior in their fellow “Christians'” lives, this will be needed. As long as there are individuals who place their own expectations for human behavior above that commanded by God in Scripture, this will be needed.

    As long as people question the need for this blog, it will be needed.

  14. First I want to say Thank you for this blog, for being honest. There are so many blogs and web pages that are set up to give you advice on what you should do to forgive the Adulter and the Other person, and how you [the faithful spouse ], should be more understanding and pray for these people. Mind you, they will and are blaming the faithful spouse and not the person having the Adultress Affair. So to them, they are Hypocrites, you are doing a wonderful job. I don’t care what they say do not shut your blog down. It seems that they are afraid to speak the words that GOD wrote and they do not want you to do it either. You took a stand on the truth, so Preach it loud and clear. You are doing what they are scared to do, or are unwilling to do.

  15. Glad to be in company of men and women who do not blame me as some who deserved to have my soul raped by my spouse.

  16. I have been a reader for over 5 years and DM has provided a valuable benefit as a daily read for the emotional health of a betrayed spouse.
    1) I am a male like DM. It is validating to hear another male felt a devastation like me, and battled the same issues, internal and external, as me. I am not alone.
    2) Like no other, DM speaks loudly to Christian counselors to address the issue of adultery, hold the cheater accountable, promote remorse and repentance. DO NOT FORCE FORGIVENESS when it is not deserved.
    3) DM clearly dispels the shared responsibility myth, and rewriting marital history. Both are ways to shame the faithful spouse into accepting some blame, and to prevent the cheater from owning their crap.
    4) DM deeply examines and the vows and commitment of the marriage covenant as it is intended to be for the sacred family unit.
    5) DM does all of this with sound scriptural references and interpretations. Those of us with Christian backgrounds need to hear God speak to us in our grief, anger and sorrow. So much we hear is “forgive, forgive, forgive” form people who don’t know what that means and how it differes from reconciliation.
    Thank you DM. Keep up the good work!

  17. You have helped me because sometimes the Christian industry calls us at fault for adultery. Adultery is AWFUL. You call is soul rape. It is.

    You make is ok for me to have no contact with my cruel X. Many people do not get that at all. You get that.

    I found you through Chump Lady.

    I love reading and rereading your forgiveness blog statements.

    Thanks for all you do!

  18. This blog is truth, the truth about what forgiveness is, and isn’t; the truth about the importance of the marriage covenant to our God, and the heinous horrendous sin of adultery that is as bad as murder; the truth about what repentance really looks like, the truth about what the church/body of Christ should be in regards to the adulterer and the victim, on and on and on. And because TRUTH, biblical truth, is spoken, without hate and bitterness, it has been like cool water poured on me. Many, many thanks. While we all sin, the Church seems hugely bent on snapping us victims into instant healing, mercy, forgiveness, whatever they want to call it. They tolerate us sometimes, chalking it up to us being ‘raw’ or angry, etc. they give us, oh, maybe a month at most to get our acts together…then we need to be examining what we did to cause THEIR behavior, forgive, minimize, ignore, forget what was done. Their nonbiblical tolerance of this wicked ness has caused huge repucussions in the body…because it is the CHURCH that is being disobedient by ministering (I use that term loosely) to the adulterer with gentle grace and sickening coddling…while the victim’s feet are held to the fire…totally perverse and backwards. Then the church cannot understand why there are more and more moral “failures”….I’m angry nowadays not by their reactions and mistreatment of the victims (actually in my case it wasn’t that bad, just uninformed and imperfect), but rather what the bad views, unbiblical pious advice has done to the body of Christ! This is Jesus’ body we are talking about! And no one seems to care enough to operate biblically. This site is a constant feed of biblical truth, common sense, and encouragement to the MANY who have suffered this…all the while, keeping grace and hope for real repentance by those who have sinned in the horrifying way, against God and others.

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