“She cheated. I am not surprised,” says Outside Observer

“She cheated. I’m not surprised. He should have paid her more attention.” -Outside Observer

“He cheated on her. I’m not surprised. She really let herself go.” – Outside Observer

These sort of observations are examples of victim blaming.


Such Outside Observers are trading on the false notion that circumstances cause cheating as opposed to what really does–i.e. cheaters. We are responsible for our own choices and actions (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).

To reframe such scenarios, I would ask such observers to consider whether or not God will accept such marriage circumstances as justifications for the spouse choosing infidelity.

The obvious answer to that is “NO!”

God does not give us a pass to commit adultery just because we are facing difficult circumstances in our marriages. So, it is beside the point whether or not the marriage was struggling.

Nothing excuses committing adultery!

While a difficult marriage might make cheating look more appealing to a spouse, the unfaithful spouse is still fully responsible for giving into that temptation to sin. God expects them to choose otherwise!

As a note to would-be observers:

Whenever you point at marriage circumstances as opposed to the cheater’s character, you are engaging in blame-shifting onto the victim of the infidelity. This is not helpful. And it is not godly.

Christ is clear that sin comes from the heart of the sinner alone (see Mark 7:21-23). It does not come from the circumstances of the marriage!