Re: “The Wrong Thing That Was Right”

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. – Romans 1:24-25, ESV (emphasis mine)

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Chump Lady sent me this article today: The Wrong Thing That Was Right. It is an article that attempts to justify and glorify cheating. I think it is a classic example of a cheater exchanging truth for a lie (hence the verses above). While I think what Julie Christine did and writes is truly deplorable, what I find more deplorable is how it strikes me as symptomatic of a vacuum of sound teaching on adultery from the pulpit and in Christian communities. The void will be filled if pastors and Christian leaders fail to speak the truth on these matters. Satan is more than happy to destroy lives while Christian leaders dither over fear of offending someone as opposed to calling them back from the brink of destruction.

Where to begin?

Well, I won’t dither afraid of being labeled judgmental. God has already judged adultery as sin, and I will happily support my God’s judgments. So, I will share pieces of the article and spend time deconstructing what is going on to expose the lie underneath. 

After singing the praises of her former husband, Andrew, the author tells the tale of her illicit kiss with another man, Alex. She writes,

I wasn’t even supposed to be meeting a man, never mind kissing him. I was still married.

I probably should put “married” in quotes because by this point, Andrew and I were both aware of our brother/sister status. But neither of us had the courage to take that final leap. Still, married I was.

So, it wasn’t really cheating because she was only technically “married.” This is such a classic lie cheaters use. They discount their marriage vows as if they are dependent upon feelings (that rise and fall) as opposed to choices and commitments made willfully. As I write elsewhere on my blog, this is part of the adultery script that has only one origin–i.e. demonic (click here). I remember first seeing this move exposed in an old Christian classic (first published in 1983): Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Families in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson.

Julie Christine then goes on to try and make us believe the kiss more or less “just happened” (my words):

Meeting Alex was a consequence of a weeklong texting conversation on Tinder. Despite the app’s reputation, there was no expectation or discussion about hooking up. No sex talk.

That is a weeklong period of sinful choices. These were choices to build an intimate relationship with another man. And I suspect her husband knew nothing about this relationship until Julie exposed the kiss to him. Even if Andrew did know about it, the kiss suggests intimacy was being developed even if it was not “sex talk.” The kiss did not “just happen” and the Tinder conversation was clearly not just some innocent exchange–i.e. it was likely emotional cheating and certainly laid the groundwork for the physical infidelity of that kiss.

Next, she acknowledges the kiss as wrong:

Still, it was wrong. Wrong in every sense of the word as I knew it. The kiss goodnight made the “wrong” even more so. I was a cheater. Infidelity was waiting at my doorstep.

The last sentence reveals how deeply deceived the author is. Infidelity was not waiting at her doorstep. She had already invited it in and supped with it at her kitchen table. She just said the kiss was wrong and even called herself “a cheater.” Now, she may not have already had sex with Alex at this point. But she recognizes in her own words that it need not be sexual intercourse for infidelity to have taken place.

It was time to stop pretending. In some way, doing one wrong thing by kissing Alex opened my eyes to all the “wrong” I’d been doing for years, by pretending I was okay and happy, lying to myself and others.

My ex-wife could have written this last piece of twisted logic. Clearly, Julie bought the lie that marriage is about her personal happiness. It is not. God did not say a man and woman get married and stay married as long as the wife is personally happy and the husband is personally happy (see Genesis 2:24). Being unhappy in your marriage is not given as an excuse for committing adultery nor obtaining a divorce. The fact such is not addressed by her suggests she experienced a failure in sound Christian teaching on marriage (or–at least–in internalizing it).

And do you notice how she treats infidelity and subsequently choosing divorce as acts of courage as opposed to treachery and betrayal? Honoring her marriage vows and commitments suddenly becomes the greater wrong. Crazy. She is using language here to make sin look like it is noble. It is not. She betrayed her husband and God by being unfaithful. Choosing divorce following one’s own infidelity is not an act of courage but an act of sin (e.g. Mt 19:9). The only real pretending going on here is pretending what she was doing was righteous or noble in any sense of the word. It is not. It is wicked.

Skipping over her worrying how her children will view her actions and becoming pregnant less than six months after her illicit kiss, she then twists Scripture for her closing. She cites Romans 8:28 after writing this:

God – the great economist – doesn’t waste any opportunity. Though it’s not my story to tell, I’m pretty sure our relationship saved Alex too. The ultimate irony?

I’m far closer to God today than I was for years in a life that looked quite godly.

For those who are unfamiliar with Romans 8:28 (ESV), it says,

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

This twisting of Scripture turns my stomach. One never draws closer to God by sinning. Never. You only draw closer to God through repenting of that sin. Divorcing one’s husband and then getting pregnant with the OM are not acts of repentance. They are acts of sinful defiance far from following God’s purposes. While she may claim to be closer to “God,” I would suggest the author is closer to a god she made in her own image that says infidelity is okay and even noble. She certainly is no closer to my God who is crystal clear on His stance against infidelity and the choice by an unfaithful spouse to divorce a faithful spouse throughout the Bible (e.g. Deut 5:18, Jer 3:8, Mt 5:27-32, Heb 13:4, etc.).

While God can redeem sin, He is not the author of wickedness and calls His followers to be holy (see James 1:13-17 and I Peter 1:16). This article by Julie Christine is a sad example of exchanging such truth about God for a lie. I dearly hope by exposing it to light; others may see, gain understanding, and be warned from making similar errors themselves. Plus, as you can see–faithful spouses–you are not alone in encountering such sad and destructive “justifications” for sin.

18 thoughts on “Re: “The Wrong Thing That Was Right””

  1. Ok that blog is demonic and evil. You are right kyoko who are those people who support her? Sick! I wrote a not so nice comment. I’ll bet it never makes it up there. Great bs translating DM! This constant happiness in our marriage baloney is one of Satan’s trickiest lies and our world is eating it up. Happiness is not event one of the fruits of the spirit. I found out this week that 3 couples I know are being affected by infidelity. Please God, enough is enough!

      1. Yep. Wow! What delusional bunch. If they were just secular people supporting her that would be one thing but to act like she is such a follower of Jesus is mind boggling. What comes to mind is Matthew 7:21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” Time to direct that bunch to divorceminister.com where there are people who are truly followers of Christ.

      2. Nice response, Bridget, to her post in the comment section. By the way, she tried to post a comment here with that response to “Nicole,” but it was muddled and did not add to the conversation. As such, Mrs. DM and I agreed to trash it. Now, if she wanted to engage in a conversation here respectfully, I would be more than happy to allow her to post. Funny how on her blog people criticize y’all for commenting on her personal blog while she tried to do the same here. It’s not like she is powerless to block comments she does not want published.

        1. You’re free to say who comments on your blog and who doesn’t, DM, but let’s be fair to Julie: Nicole’s comment on her blog wasn’t respectful to begin with.

          That isn’t a dis on Nicole as I know how we ALL feel about adultery and twisting God’s Word. Trust me, I’m usually the person who shoots first, asks questions later.

          But had I been Julie, had I had the position on my actions that she has, I probably would have replied exactly as she did. Let’s not knock her for not replying respectfully.

          (I haven’t checked back in on her blog since this morning, btw. Too much to do tonight.)

          Thank you for the compliment on my comment.

          1. That’s fair, Bridget,–i.e. about Nicole’s comment (all of it). But Julie still chose to let it go live. That is her prerogative as it is her blog just as it is my prerogative to decide who I allow to enter the conversation here (as you wrote). I wasn’t making a statement that her reply to Nicole on her blog was necessarily disrespectful. My explanation was an explanation as to why I did not allow her comment to go live here. She was clearly replying to a comment on HER OWN blog and seemed confused as to its actual origin apparently attributing it to me without actually engaging me on what I wrote in the post. Even a brief visit to the “ABOUT” page ought to have cleared that up with her. As she chose not to do that, Mrs. and I decided the comment did not add to the conversation and would just confuse things.

          2. Oh my goodness. Was my response disrespectful? Somewhat. I’m not sure Julie deserves respect. Was my response full of anger? For sure. When Jesus said “Get behind me Satan” to Peter it was pretty harsh but warranted. Jesus is my role model and sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. If Chump Lady would have gotten a hold of Julie, she would have ate her for breakfast and rightly so. In my opinion, her words come from Satan and I’m not going to apologize for standing up against that.

            -Nicole

      3. Very nice Bridget! Your response was beautiful, patient and well thought out. I’m sure it appealed to many readers. My first response may have been harsh and abrupt but it got people paying attention to the truth. I get very angry when people use the bible in such a deceptive and depraved way. No lukewarm feelings here! I’m sorry about what your husband has done to you and your children. It is heartbreaking.

        1. Thanks BHB/Nicole.

          Don’t feel too bad about firing off. If you Google’d my name/other handles (MsJack), you’d find that I’m usually the last person to be patient and respectful.

          And don’t worry about me and mine. God is good and he really does look out for the alien, the fatherless, [the single mother] and the widow. 🙂

  2. I got lots of twisted logic from many people as my marriage unraveled. Unfortunately, I tried to work with the ignoramus. My time would have been better spent building my own tower to oversee my vineyard.
    For mercy’s sake, true character is sticking with a decision even when the good feelings fade. Poor character is cheating.
    Betrayest thou me with a kiss?
    I would NOT even treat my brother like that. So her idea of a brother/sister relationship is warped too.

  3. This was the very excuse my ex and his mistress used. His feelings for me were gone, so he didn’t feel married anymore. So he moved in with her. They lived together for two years before our divorce.

  4. Divorce Minister, my cheater XH also believed that we weren’t really married(not just anymore but never) since in his epiphany in his mind “he had never been in love with me” for the whole 22yrs.

    Interestingly enough he seemed to be happy until he laid eyes on the picture of his internet EA and claimed he “just fell in love with her”. At that moment he said he knew in his heart that she was his soul mate and he must divorce me to “correct the biggest mistake of his life”.

    Even worse, he truly thinks that “God approves what he is doing” and once he said to me that marrying me “was a sin itself.” The obvious confusion and misuse of the Bible to justify selfishness and actions that destroy life partners is horrific.

    I keep wondering when will he acknowledge his wrongs and if he ever does will it have to be shown to him through God? For now he seems to be “closer to God”, according to him, yet I feel he is being hypocritical.

    Because my XH is so assured that what he has done is not wrong, and that all is forgiven anyway, he has no remorse while continuing to pursue his plans to marry the OW.

    How can someone who is a cheater remarry once again giving vows of commitment when clearly they do not understand how to keep them? I believe he not only sinned against me, his marriage, and God already…and if he remarries he will be repeating the same in the future.

  5. Thank you Divorce Minister, I have found you may have already answered some of my questions before August post: So is my ex correct in saying that God forgives him, so it is all ok

  6. There is most likely far more to Julie’s story than she is willing to write down in her blog. Cheaters all operate from the same playbook which includes hiding as much of the truth you can. I’d bet my left testicle that this Alex did not travel 6000 miles for nothing more than conversation and a kiss goodnight. I also checked out this Tinder app. It’s quite obvious what it is used for.

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