“Divorce is of the Devil!” -Christian leader I want to begin this post by owning that this was probably how I would have talked about divorce prior to my own experience with it. My Christian background was very anti-divorce. This made my situation with my first (now ex) wife even more painful than it had to … Continue reading “Divorce is NOT “of the Devil!””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair
“Don’t you see it [the cheating] was a cry for help?! If only you had ____ (fill in favorite cheater grievance with faithful spouse) more, then I wouldn’t have cheated.” -Unfaithful spouse Using the “Cry for help” excuse for an affair–either emotional or physical–is manipulation pure and simple. The cheater is using this label to … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “A cry for help” affair”
Nothing like THOSE “you are doing the Christian thing wrong” lectures…
Got to love those “you are doing the ‘Christian’ thing wrong” lectures from the naive Christian leaders or cheater apologists! Right?! These lectures are really simply another way people blame faithful spouses for their marriages imploding and–sometimes–even for the cheating. It is disgusting. They might take the form of blaming you for not “forgiving” well. … Continue reading “Nothing like THOSE “you are doing the Christian thing wrong” lectures…”
Religious cheaters want both!
You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. -Malachi 2:14, NLT Religious cheaters are not satisfied with simply cheating. … Continue reading “Religious cheaters want both!”
Cheater-Speak: “I wasn’t trying. It just happened.”
“I wasn’t trying to cheat on you. It just sort of ‘happened.’” -Cheater A cheater speaking like this is an unrepentant cheater. How do I know? Well, repentance starts with the honesty of owning one’s own choices and behavior. The cheater speaking like this is not being honest on those fronts. Adultery is just something that … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I wasn’t trying. It just happened.””
Beware of power struggles!
But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.” -Matthew 20:25, NLT “You will just keep that [her cheating] over her head forever [if she stayed married to you].” -Cheater apologist Some people view all relationships … Continue reading “Beware of power struggles!”
Like a rebelling teenager or toddler!
Did you ever feel like the big, bad parent with your cheater? I think sometimes some engage in cheating behavior as a way to try and resolve family issues (non-therapist speaking here). They did not feel safe to do that with their mother or father. So, the faithful spouse gets all their rebellion in its … Continue reading “Like a rebelling teenager or toddler!”
Learning to trust yourself, again.
How could I have missed that?! I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention. Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, … Continue reading “Learning to trust yourself, again.”
Divorcing a personality disordered cheater
What do you do if your cheater is narcissist and committed making the divorce full of drama? I think it goes back to remembering what you control: YOU. This means you can choose whether to take their disordered bait or to let the circus go on without you. The best response sometimes is no response … Continue reading “Divorcing a personality disordered cheater”
Tip of the “Cheating Iceberg” is enough!
When dealing with a cheater who has lived a double life for months (or years), sometimes the iceberg is a huge one. You may only know a very little of what the cheater actually did. That was enough to sink the marriage. Sometimes, I believe, God spares us the pain of learning all the cheating details. He … Continue reading “Tip of the “Cheating Iceberg” is enough!”