… and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. -Romans 5:4b-5a, NLT Sometimes, it is hard to hope. That makes sense. This is especially so in light of the devastating losses that come with divorce from a cheater. In these seasons, I find it important to remember … Continue reading “Hope settled.”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Dangerously, dumb advice
“Why don’t you both take a break from each other?” -Clueless Counselor This is one of the dumbest pieces of advice given to a couple dealing with infidelity. The problems of an infidelity ravaged marriage are not solved by creating more distance and less accountability for the cheater. Both are the last things needed, actually. A break is … Continue reading “Dangerously, dumb advice”
Unfinished Cheater Business
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” -Matthew 5:23-24, NIV When a cheater divorces and goes on to remarry, … Continue reading “Unfinished Cheater Business”
Feelings regarding affair partner(s)
Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house,lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel,lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another. -Proverbs 8-10, NIV How do I feel about the affair partner(s)? Obviously, an affair … Continue reading “Feelings regarding affair partner(s)”
Cheater fellowship with Christ?
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” -John 8:12, NIV If we claim that we share life with him, but keep walking in the realm of darkness, we’re fooling ourselves and not living the … Continue reading “Cheater fellowship with Christ?”
Yes, they did.
–Did your spouse try to blame you for their cheating? Maybe they called it a “cry for help?” –Did your spouse live a double life of lies for months if not years of hidden cheating? –Did your spouse attend multiple marriage counseling while maintaining a secret affair partner the whole time? I do not know … Continue reading “Yes, they did.”
More than the individual spouse harmed!
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NIV Just as the wedding day is a family event, the adultery discovery and divorce are felt by the same family as … Continue reading “More than the individual spouse harmed!”
The distinction lie
“It wasn’t really cheating. Come on! We both know we weren’t close for years.” -Cheater A cheater might draw a distinction in their mind. This distinction allows them to believe their own lie about the infidelity. It helps them to minimize what they did. They are unique because of this distinction. -Maybe your cheater moved … Continue reading “The distinction lie”
Do not wish the pain of adultery discovery on anyone!
While some pastors will talk about not wishing divorce on anyone, I think that is a late wish. The problem is the adultery and its accompanying lies. Sometimes a situation is only remedied through a hard and painful action. Surgery requires cutting into flesh. It is bloody, painful, and costly. Of course, I would wish … Continue reading “Do not wish the pain of adultery discovery on anyone!”
Cheaters return to own “vomit”
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Committing adultery is foolish, foolish behavior. The Bible names it as such in Proverbs 5. And the general observation from chapter twenty-six is that fools repeat such folly. Maybe this does not happen always, but it usually does as this … Continue reading “Cheaters return to own “vomit””