Peace. One of the things that gave me peace–after some time of healing–about my first marriage ending was that I gave it a shot. Once I knew about the adultery, I kicked the ball back into her court. I gave her the option of repenting from her cheating or continuing with divorce. She chose divorce. … Continue reading “A shot”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…
Dear Divorce Minister, I married my husband after 1.5 years of dating, in church. Both of us were Christian or so I thought. After 9 months of marriage, when I was 36 weeks pregnant, my husband came back from an overseas trip and told me he cheated on me. He asked for a divorce. He … Continue reading “Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…”
Be best friends with your ex? No, Christian, you don’t.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.” -Matthew 23:15, NIV Public Service Announcement: Faithful spouses, you don’t have to become BFFs with … Continue reading “Be best friends with your ex? No, Christian, you don’t.”
Dumb stuff “Christians” say
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. -Proverbs 17:28 More Christians could learn from that fool from Proverbs 17:28 who held his tongue when it comes to marriages ravaged by adultery. Sadly, the advice and condemnation come all too freely for faithful spouses. Here a few … Continue reading “Dumb stuff “Christians” say”
Cheating to “get attention”
“I had to cheat to get your attention.” -Cheater This is an especially sick cheater-speak. The cheater trades on a truth–namely, the affair got your attention. This obscures the lie that only an affair could get your attention and/or such a means justifies the ends. Plenty of things will get another person’s attention that we should not do! … Continue reading “Cheating to “get attention””
A good pastor eases your fears and brings comfort.
“I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing,” declares the Lord. -Jeremiah 23:4, NIV When going through adultery discovery and divorce, it is hard to know which pastor to trust. Does this one care more for “saving” my marriage or … Continue reading “A good pastor eases your fears and brings comfort.”
Don’t give up on God, faithful spouse!
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12, NIV The temptation to give up on God is great when going through the spiritual abuse that often comes with a divorce from a … Continue reading “Don’t give up on God, faithful spouse!”
It is not you, faithful spouse.
When a cheater cheats, it is important to understand that such behavior has nothing to do with you, faithful spouse. It is about the cheater’s character. These sinful actions are the overflow of wickedness in the cheater’s heart (see Mark 7:21-23). Do not let a pastor or a cheater or a counselor convince you otherwise! … Continue reading “It is not you, faithful spouse.”
When cheaters see no problem…
Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.* -Matthew 7:5, NIV If your cheater does not understand and affirm that the presence of the Other Man/Other Woman is a problem, then your marriage is doomed without any … Continue reading “When cheaters see no problem…”
Behave like Abraham?
Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” -Genesis 22:2, NIV Is this advice all godly parents ought to follow, literally? No. I raise this absurd example to highlight how foolish it is … Continue reading “Behave like Abraham?”