“I had to cheat to get your attention.” -Cheater This is an especially sick cheater-speak. The cheater trades on a truth–namely, the affair got your attention. This obscures the lie that only an affair could get your attention and/or such a means justifies the ends. Plenty of things will get another person’s attention that we should not do! … Continue reading “Cheating to “get attention””
Category: Trauma of adultery
A good pastor eases your fears and brings comfort.
“I will place shepherds over them who will tend them, and they will no longer be afraid or terrified, nor will any be missing,” declares the Lord. -Jeremiah 23:4, NIV When going through adultery discovery and divorce, it is hard to know which pastor to trust. Does this one care more for “saving” my marriage or … Continue reading “A good pastor eases your fears and brings comfort.”
Don’t give up on God, faithful spouse!
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. -James 1:12, NIV The temptation to give up on God is great when going through the spiritual abuse that often comes with a divorce from a … Continue reading “Don’t give up on God, faithful spouse!”
It is not you, faithful spouse.
When a cheater cheats, it is important to understand that such behavior has nothing to do with you, faithful spouse. It is about the cheater’s character. These sinful actions are the overflow of wickedness in the cheater’s heart (see Mark 7:21-23). Do not let a pastor or a cheater or a counselor convince you otherwise! … Continue reading “It is not you, faithful spouse.”
When cheaters see no problem…
Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.* -Matthew 7:5, NIV If your cheater does not understand and affirm that the presence of the Other Man/Other Woman is a problem, then your marriage is doomed without any … Continue reading “When cheaters see no problem…”
Behave like Abraham?
Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” -Genesis 22:2, NIV Is this advice all godly parents ought to follow, literally? No. I raise this absurd example to highlight how foolish it is … Continue reading “Behave like Abraham?”
Working on “communication”
The only “communication” issue needing addressing stat is the absolute , verified ending the affair. A cheater can keep a pastor and faithful spouse chasing random rabbit trails for a very long time if they are convinced the marriage issues are anything other than ending the affair. Lot of energy can be lost focusing on … Continue reading “Working on “communication””
Depart from me?!
21 “Not every one that saith unto me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? … Continue reading “Depart from me?!”
When “working on the marriage” is a barrier to godliness.
“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “When “working on the marriage” is a barrier to godliness.”
Separating Out
“My relationship with [Affair Partner] has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Cheater When a cheater is separating out the affair from the marriage troubles, you can be assured they are not interested in healing and restoring the marriage. They have told themselves the lie that their present marital problems are unrelated to the … Continue reading “Separating Out”