“Sure, she had an affair. But you made it easy for her to cheat on you.” -A Stupid Thing Christians Say I have heard or read a version of this statement more than once. It seems like a common mindset some have–even pastors–towards faithful spouses. It is a subtle blame-shift (or not so subtle). For … Continue reading “A stupid thing Christians say: “But you made it easy for her to cheat on you.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater: “The [cheating] really is irrelevant to our marriage problems. You….”
![Cheater: “The [cheating] really is irrelevant to our marriage problems. You….”](https://i0.wp.com/www.divorceminister.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/wp-15588016502656319079600203094005.jpg?fit=1200%2C672&ssl=1)
“The [cheating] really is irrelevant to our marriage problems. You….” -Cheater What this really means is the cheating is irrelevant to the cheater narrative where they are the victim and the faithful spouse is the “aggressor.” This is like a shooter telling the police not to focus on the fact of him stabbing the victim … Continue reading “Cheater: “The [cheating] really is irrelevant to our marriage problems. You….””
“Well, you MUST HAVE known.”
“Well, you MUST HAVE known he was cheating on you.” -Christian “friend” This sort of response to infidelity discovery is odd to me. Whether we had an idea or not, that does not change the wrongness of the cheater committing adultery and lying about it. Does the embezzler get a pass if his victim has … Continue reading ““Well, you MUST HAVE known.””
Death leading to new life
Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. -John 12:24, NKJV Death is not pleasant. I do not care how prepared one is. We were not made to die; rather, we were made to live … Continue reading “Death leading to new life”
“Thou shalt not commit adultery” is far from unclear, folks!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV When an adulterous spouse feigns ignorance or confusion over the ending of their marriage, it is a ploy to avoid taking responsibility. This isn’t rocket science, folks! God does not command the ending of a marriage over adultery in the Old Testament to signal such sin is … Continue reading ““Thou shalt not commit adultery” is far from unclear, folks!”
Cheaters, attending couple’s sessions is NOT signaling the marriage is over!
Cheaters sometimes claim they were free to cheat because “the marriage was over.” Some even say this even though they were attending couple’s counseling with a therapist and/or pastor. The faithful spouse was kept in the dark during this time, obviously. Public Service Announcement: Cheaters, attending couple’s sessions is NOT signaling the marriage is over! … Continue reading “Cheaters, attending couple’s sessions is NOT signaling the marriage is over!”
Gaining peace
…”I said about them, ‘They wander in their hearts just like they do with their feet, and they refuse to learn my ways.’My heart grieved over them so I decreed: ‘They will never enter into the calming rest of my Spirit!’ ” -Hebrews 3:10b-11, TPT While it might not feel like it initially, divorcing a cheater can lead … Continue reading “Gaining peace”
Like a healed broken bone in a weather change…
While I would never willing give up what I have with Mrs. DM and Munchkin, I sometimes feel the pain of what was lost with my ex-wife. This is grief talking. What I often tell my patients is not to judge our feelings. They are not good or bad. Feelings just are. We get into trouble … Continue reading “Like a healed broken bone in a weather change…”
“I’m sorry. That is not what I believe happened.”
“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” -Daniel Patrick Moynihan, American Politician Cheaters often forget that faithful spouses do not owe them agreement with their marriage ending narrative. This reality does not stop cheaters from expecting and demanding such agreement, though. Cheaters are perfectly fine pressuring a faithful partner (or ex) … Continue reading ““I’m sorry. That is not what I believe happened.””
Mailbag: Spiritual Abuse at Driscoll-esque Church
Hi, I’m trying to heal from spiritual abuse, and I came across your blog. I have a few questions about things I’m wondering about. If you have time to answer them, it would be helpful to me. Firstly, I’m so sorry for what you went through at Mars Hill, with your in-laws and ex-wife. The … Continue reading “Mailbag: Spiritual Abuse at Driscoll-esque Church”