“But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” -Mark 6:11, NLT At some point, we need to let go of the need for an apology and reparations for the wrongs we … Continue reading “Shaking off the dust as “forgiveness””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!
I don’t get it. You know. The couples that pose for a happy picture following their divorce with the decree in their hands. It is weird. What is even weirder is how society celebrates these (former) couples’ display of celebration. Odd. Divorce from a cheater is a mercy. It is a way to escape the … Continue reading “Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!”
Millennials and Divorce Prejudice
The other day I read an article that asserted divorce prejudice is no longer a thing for the Millennial generation. This comes along with the statistics that Millennials are keeping the divorce rates down compared to Boomers. I don’t know if I agree. This might be true for Millennials outside the evangelical church world. However, … Continue reading “Millennials and Divorce Prejudice”
Good news and bad news re: friends
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. -Proverbs 17:17, NLT Good news and bad news about friends during times of marital distress: First, I will share the bad news: Some of the most painful betrayals will be friends and even family choosing the cheater over you. … Continue reading “Good news and bad news re: friends”
Meaninglessness of wicked prospering
There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. -Ecclesiastes 8:14, NIV Life is not fair. This has been know for centuries as this verse from the writer of Ecclesiastes attests. Energy … Continue reading “Meaninglessness of wicked prospering”
It happened. It was wrong.
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “It happened. It was wrong.”
Not “a mistake”
Cheating on a spouse is not just “a mistake.” We all make mistakes. True. No one is perfect. However, plenty of people never commit adultery. Many people are not involved in raping their spouse’s soul. Plenty of individuals do not live double lives or engage in concerted gas-lighting behavior to keep their spouse from believing the … Continue reading “Not “a mistake””
Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A … Continue reading “Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.”
Do NOT enter their warped reality!
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Do NOT enter their warped reality!”
Stop fighting what IS!
Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. -Proverbs 20:11, KJV Look at your partner’s actions. Is this the sort of thing someone who truly loves another person would do to them? Is this the sort of thing someone who truly is sorry would do? Is this the … Continue reading “Stop fighting what IS!”