“Do you hear yourself? That is what we call making excuses.” -Wise Pastor to Cheater Labeling matters appropriately does not only help the cheater, but it also helps their victim, the faithful spouse. Proper labels expose the deeds of the dark to light (see Ephesians 5:11). It is astounding to me how so-called Christian pastors … Continue reading ““Do you hear yourself, cheater?””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Possible. But likely? Doubt it.
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Within the Christian community, so much pressure is placed upon faithful spouses to “reconcile” with their cheating partners. Sometimes lip service is given to the importance that the cheater has actually changed and will not cheat again. However, the general … Continue reading “Possible. But likely? Doubt it.”
Not responsible. Really.
Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. -James 1:14-15a, NLT (Emphasis mine) When seeking to retain my minister’s license, I was asked to explain what led to the breakdown of my marriage. To actually quote from the now defunct policy: “In your opinion, … Continue reading “Not responsible. Really.”
Lame Point: God never intended marriage to end in divorce.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a … Continue reading “Lame Point: God never intended marriage to end in divorce.”
Conversion of Convenience
DM, One thing that I ran into while going to a Christian therapist was the Once Saved Always Saved teachings. I was told that since my “Christian X” refused repentance, restitution, and reconciliation that he was clearly never a Christian. Therefore, X doesn’t ever have to do the “three R’s”, he just needs to really … Continue reading “Conversion of Convenience”
Two Questions Behind the Questions
Two Questions Behind the Questions: 1. “Did you deserve the abandonment or being cheated on?” 2. “Did you learn your “lesson(s)” from being cheated on/divorced?” What a messed up world we live in where Christians are given a free pass to probe a soul rape victim with questions about what he or she has learned … Continue reading “Two Questions Behind the Questions”
A Jacked Up Past Is No Excuse
“You must not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NLT All sort of horrible things may have happened to a cheater in his or her own past. Their family of origin might have made the Adams’ family look like a picture of normality. It does not matter. God does not give out permission slips to commit adultery … Continue reading “A Jacked Up Past Is No Excuse”
Are you really pining over that?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Are you really pining over that?!”
It’s not me, it’s you.
-When the blame-shifting starts… -When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing… -When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce… “It’s not me; it’s you.” Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it! Your action or inaction did … Continue reading “It’s not me, it’s you.”
Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses
14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”