Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheaters as Broken.
Cheaters are broken. However, this does not mean that they are any less responsible for their own behavior. They still need to do the hard work of finding good help and changing. They must be broken in some sense–i.e. not functioning as they ought. How else can you explain a human living a double life … Continue reading “Cheaters as Broken.”
Validation Before Forgiveness Talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”
Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations
If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable. -Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be … Continue reading “Need Seminary Classes Dealing With Divorce and Infidelity Situations”
Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!
If you are expecting someone who majored in deception to play fair during a divorce, then you are dangerously naive. Please, get your own divorce lawyer! Cheaters are notorious for trying to set the narrative and play by their own rules, which seem to change with their moods. A divorce lawyer will force cheaters to … Continue reading “Get Your Own Divorce Lawyer!”
Wise Not To “Be Friends” With Some Cheaters
Some cheaters will never give up their narrative of “what went wrong.” Naive Christians think such madness is finite. They think the cheater will “have to” face the difficult reality some day. Surely, she will eventually come to her senses and face the reality that she blew up her marriage by committing adultery. Don’t count … Continue reading “Wise Not To “Be Friends” With Some Cheaters”
Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.”
Pastors, Please stop making divorce “jokes.” When faithful spouses hear pastors talking about how grateful they are that their wives haven’t left them, this is insensitive to those in the pews who have been abandoned by cheaters–especially. Such “joking” is teaching: -You are teaching your people divorce happens over everyday irritations in marriage. Do you … Continue reading “Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.””
Sixty-Eight Percent, Pastors!
“68% of divorce cases involve one party meeting a new paramour over the internet….” –“Internet pornography by the numbers; a significant threat to society” by Webroot Divorce and infidelity are strongly linked. Treating infidelity as a minor issue while focusing on divorce as the major issue ignores this sociological fact. It also ignores the Bible’s … Continue reading “Sixty-Eight Percent, Pastors!”
Feeling Bad Is NOT Enough!
Then Saul admitted to Samuel, “Yes, I have sinned. I have disobeyed your instructions and the Lord’s command, for I was afraid of the people and did what they demanded.” -I Samuel 15:24, NLT Feeling Bad Is Not Enough Even though Saul called his disobedience sin, God did not accept this late and lame confession–(notice the … Continue reading “Feeling Bad Is NOT Enough!”
Cheating IS abuse!
Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! – I Corinthians 6:15b, NLT When someone is a cheater, they are also an abuser. You cannot have one without the other. Soul rape is abusive. I am astounded by how cheating and adultery are too often treated … Continue reading “Cheating IS abuse!”