And my faith in him convinces me that he is more than able to keep all that I’ve placed in his hands safe and secure until the fullness of his appearing. -2 Timothy 1:12b, TPT When I was reading this chapter, this second half of verse twelve grabbed my attention. I doubt I am the … Continue reading “No longer ruled by fear”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Stopping is NOT enough!
When a cheater stops the affair, this is not enough. They need to take further action. It is like an alcoholic who stops drinking. This is good. However, the alcoholic who is not actively dealing with their issues connected to drinking is not in recovery. A cheater who does not deal with the lies he … Continue reading “Stopping is NOT enough!”
Cheater-Speak: “I needed a break from our marriage.”
“Why did you take off your wedding ring?” asks Faithful Spouse. “I needed a break from reminders of our marriage,” says Cheater. Cheaters freely entered into the marriage–and marriage means a lifelong commitment. You do not get breaks from needing to honor this commitment. This sort of response from a Cheater seeking “a break” is … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I needed a break from our marriage.””
Pro-Tip: Cheater attendance does not mean the affair is over!
Just because a cheater has agreed to see a Christian counselor or pastor to work on the marriage does not necessarily mean the cheater has ended the affair. It boggles my mind to think a cheater would attend Christian marriage counseling with a therapist or pastor while secretly continuing to cheat. But it happens! I know … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Cheater attendance does not mean the affair is over!”
Failing to learn from Job’s friends: “The Assessment”
As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it. -Job 4:8, NIV “The Assessment” Within the evangelical culture, the belief that the faithful spouse did something “to deserve” the adulterous desertion of their partner is all too prevalent. They have not learned from this erroneous assessment by one of Job’s … Continue reading “Failing to learn from Job’s friends: “The Assessment””
Their toasted conscience
But the [Holy] Spirit explicitly and unmistakably declares that in later times some will turn away from the faith…[misled] by the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared as with a branding iron [leaving them incapable of ethical functioning]…. -I Timothy 4:1a,2, AMP When a cheater is telling their spouse, pastor, and/or Christian counselor that … Continue reading “Their toasted conscience”
A metaphor about killing a marriage
Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NLT Christians seem especially shy in assigning blame to a cheater for destroying his or her marriage. Many seem to believe or operate … Continue reading “A metaphor about killing a marriage”
Robbed of that safety and security
One of the losses that comes with adultery discovery is the loss of a safety and security. No longer can you trust your spouse against the world. This is a big loss. It is hard to compute often times. We have committed our lives to this person only to be so deeply betrayed. It is … Continue reading “Robbed of that safety and security”
Regarding those Deadwood “friends”
But Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” -Luke 22:48, NLT Some “friends” will “kiss” you with words-bespeaking of their love for you-while they further the cheater’s agenda of blame-shifting the infidelity and divorce upon you. It is confusing enough dealing with the lies and deceptions of a cheater. … Continue reading “Regarding those Deadwood “friends””
Response Tells You They’re Lying About You
Faithful Spouse: [Setting a healthy boundary] “Our relationship is over. We won’t be friends any more, unless you end it with John [Affair Partner] and work to convince me you’ve shut the door to all others.” Cheater: “You’re being so manipulative. Fine. I guess we won’t be friends.” …one month passes with minimal to zero … Continue reading “Response Tells You They’re Lying About You”