When we divorce our cheater, faithful spouses often do not know the full story (and probably won’t ever). This is one of the traumatic aspects of marrying a cheater. They have all the knowledge of who and when they slept with someone else. But they are unwilling to give that to information to their spouse. … Continue reading “Divorce and those narrative gaps”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Get a good lawyer
When going through a divorce, I would recommend getting a good divorce lawyer for the process. Think of it as an investment in your future. You do not want to be surprised after the fact with issues that you cannot fixed once divorced. I understand that divorce lawyers make more money as it gets more … Continue reading “Get a good lawyer”
Caring for self
When I was going through the deep valley of separation, adultery discovery, and divorce, I had to make conscience decisions to take care of myself. The grief is that extreme. For me, I had to remind myself to eat. If I did not do this, then I would not have eaten at all during that … Continue reading “Caring for self”
I envy (am impressed by) some faithful spouses!
I envy some faithful spouses. The cheater cheats on them, gets discovered, and the faithful spouse does not even blink an eye in telling that cheater it is over. They refuse to be treated like that. They exercise their permission to divorce without looking back. That wasn’t me. I suspect many of us did what … Continue reading “I envy (am impressed by) some faithful spouses!”
Repentance required to avoid Hell
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9, NIV While this verse is more about Christ’s second coming, I figure it is a good verse to talk about end things in general. … Continue reading “Repentance required to avoid Hell”
Cheater-Speak: “I’m not divorcing you because of him.”
“I am not divorcing you because of him [Other Man].” -Adulteress Busted. And then the cheater busts out this mind messing statement. What is the cheater doing by making such a statement? They are doing several things. All them are bad, of course. In general, it is a particularly heinous thing for a cheater to say after … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I’m not divorcing you because of him.””
They do not get to decide for you…
Your cheater does not get to decide for you… …whether their cheating is a big deal (or deal breaker) for you. That is YOURS to decide. Now, I understand many a cheater will TRY to decide this for you. They will tell you all sort of lies about how the cheating is merely a symptom. … Continue reading “They do not get to decide for you…”
Manipulators with mad skills are cheaters
Test all things; hold fast what is good. -I Thessalonians 5:21, NKJV A master manipulator knows how to take a potential weakness and work it into a strength. They know how to leverage a situation. Cheaters are master manipulators, IMO. The speed at which a cheater can turn a confession of infidelity into a discussion … Continue reading “Manipulators with mad skills are cheaters”
Damaged but NOT Damaged Goods!
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. -2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NIV An amazing thing about Christianity is how God takes us as damaged creatures and transforms us into beautiful vessels for His glory. It isn’t disqualifying to have had a rough experience in … Continue reading “Damaged but NOT Damaged Goods!”
Emotional healing takes great time.
Probably the hardest part of healing from a divorce from a cheater are the lingering emotional wounds from that marriage. You have to find a way to ground yourself in reality. The truth is what will set you free from the cheater’s lies about you and your marriage. In other words, this reality is a … Continue reading “Emotional healing takes great time.”