Category: Trauma of adultery

Religious behavior does not fool God

For day after day they seek me out;     they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right     and has not forsaken the commands of its God. -Isaiah 58:2, NIV Some cheaters excel at doing things that make them look like “good” Christians. That is part of the trauma … Continue reading “Religious behavior does not fool God”

Game Film and “Critical Errors” Applied to Cheaters

After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Game Film and “Critical Errors” Applied to Cheaters”

Wanting it all back to “normal”

18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:18-19, KJV When the news broke for me, I remember driving … Continue reading “Wanting it all back to “normal””

Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge

And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned [to divorce her] secretly. -Matthew 1:19, NASB (footnoted alternate translation used in brackets) Do we consider a rape victim “hurt and vengeful” for choosing to have her rapist prosecuted for his crime? I wouldn’t. It is a matter of justice … Continue reading “Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge”

Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous

Cheaters sometimes come with the faithful spouse to a pastor (or Christian marriage counselor) with a list. This is a list designed to excuse their behavior and keep the focus off their own sin. Many take the bait. We, faithful spouses, think that if we do the requested self-improvements then we can save our marriage. … Continue reading “Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous”

Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.”

“If we stayed married, you’d always hold this over my head,” says Cheater. Cheater Concern About You Never “Getting Over It” What I find interesting about this response is how the Cheater shows he or she understands the infidelity has forever impacted the marriage. They understand that they cannot go back to how things were. … Continue reading “Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.””

Preying on your desperation

After discovering infidelity, I bet many of us went into overdrive to figure out how to “save” our marriages. It is the rare faithful spouse who refuses to demean themselves further by chasing after the cheater (and the marriage) immediately. Especially, as a Christian, I think it is rare to level consequences at the start … Continue reading “Preying on your desperation”

Remember: God’s got you!

Fear of man will prove to be a snare,     but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. -Proverbs 29:25, NIV People will likely talk. Sure. Even–maybe especially–“Christian” people with issues with you getting a divorce from your cheater. However… Do not allow the “fear of man” to paralyze you. That fear is what will get you snared in … Continue reading “Remember: God’s got you!”

When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic”

Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Did I miss something? When I read this verse–part of the Ten Commandments–I don’t see where it says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless [you believe] your marriage is a toxic relationship.” I don’t see it because it is NOT there! This is an especially lame cheater excuse or … Continue reading “When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic””