“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18, NASB Metaphors, while being imperfect approximations, often can help us grasp difficult and complex truths conveying both intellectual and emotional freight with vivid imagery. Here’s my shot on explaining by metaphor why focusing on forgiveness first after adultery is cruel: Imagine … Continue reading “Lock the doors, grieve the loss, and don’t be a jerk!”
Category: Grief
“I’m concerned.” Others judging faithful spouses.
“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” -Matthew 7:1-2, KJV A common annoyance I encounter–and suspect other faithful spouses encounter as well–are Christians giving their unsolicited assessment of my state of healing. They … Continue reading ““I’m concerned.” Others judging faithful spouses.”
Helping The Broken-Hearted Betrayed Spouse
A Christian brother comes over one night. He crumples onto your couch tears overflowing. Through his heaving sobs, you learn his wife has left him and is having sex with another man. The hollow and desperate look in his eyes tears at your heart. What can you do? I will start with the negative first. These dangerous responses … Continue reading “Helping The Broken-Hearted Betrayed Spouse”
Evocative Music…
Have you ever noticed how a song can transport you back in time to a specific moment in time? Country singer, Josh Turner, has a song that does that for me. It is “Would You Go With Me” from the album, “Your Man.” Here’s the song: It came on the radio recently and transported me … Continue reading “Evocative Music…”
Want to really help someone move on? Acknowledge the injustice.
Want to really help a faithful spouse “move on” from being cheated on? Acknowledge the very real injustices they have experienced. Christians who are so fearful of faithful spouses “getting stuck in victimhood” fail to recognize this important lesson. They fail to see that the healing cannot begin without first seeing the wound for what … Continue reading “Want to really help someone move on? Acknowledge the injustice.”
What Divorce Minister Is.
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -Matthew 9:36, NIV Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously Critics of me and this blog often have the wrong picture of what this website is (By the way, thank you to all those who wrote … Continue reading “What Divorce Minister Is.”
Shards of Memory
Shards of Memory When you go through a divorce, people do not usually warn you about how the effects echo for many years unless they are trying to scare you away from divorce. The echo of grief is normal. It just means you genuinely loved the person who so treacherously betrayed you. That love … Continue reading “Shards of Memory”
Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88
A favorite Psalm of mine is Psalm 88. I called it an “Ode of Eeyore” because this Psalm is dark. And I love that. It creates space for those of us who are experiencing the darkness. We don’t have to put on our “happy faces.” The author of Psalm 88 grants us permission to acknowledge … Continue reading “Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88”
“I can tell you are still tender and healing.”
“I can tell you are still tender, healing.” -“Well-Meaning” Observer What bothers me the most about these sort of statements is how they are usually stated as a way to express compassion for the faithful spouse but really just communicate pity. Who enjoys being the object of pity?! Now, it is true that the infidelity … Continue reading ““I can tell you are still tender and healing.””
Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?
Dear Divorce Minister, My wife committed adultery 16 years ago. I forgave and renew my vows on tremendously incomplete information. She recently confessed to the entirety of the adultery after we have had 3 wonderful children. I can say with out hesitation I would have not continued in the marriage if I would have known … Continue reading “Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?”