Category: Sin

Why put the adultery victim on trial for being victimized?

Why put the adultery victim on trial but not the cheater? One of the most backwards pieces in my ecclesiastical trial to retain my minister’s license was how I was on trial for being cheated on and divorced by my ex-wife. Even after such cheating and abandonment was established (my ex-wife was the one insisting … Continue reading “Why put the adultery victim on trial for being victimized?”

What about our unmet needs?!

When couples go to other Christians or pastors for help, the usual line of conversation focuses upon the “unmet” needs of the cheater. The assumptions behind such conversations include: 1) the faithful spouse is to blame for the cheating (in part) and 2) the faithful spouse did not have unmet needs (or they would have … Continue reading “What about our unmet needs?!”

The Pastoral Affirmation Need

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. -Isaiah 42:3a, NIV Divorce Minister exists to a great part because it speaks to a need I felt in my darkest days. The need for pastoral affirmation and support while going through infidelity discovery and divorce. When my marriage was … Continue reading “The Pastoral Affirmation Need”

Gift of Courageous Confrontation

It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. -I Corinthians 5:12, NLT The path of least resistance with a cheater “friend” is to agree with their sob-story over how they “were driven” to cheat on their spouse. But that is NOT the … Continue reading “Gift of Courageous Confrontation”

Bravo: “Luv Guv” Bentley Bounced By Baptist Pastor

[Pastor] McKee asked [Former Governor] Bentley and Mason [Other Woman] to admit to the ongoing affair. They admitted a relationship, but refused to publicly confess, Hannah said. McKee then removed Bentley from his leadership roles in the church and asked Bentley and Mason to leave First Baptist Tuscaloosa. -Dakin Andone reporting (CNN) in “Alabama ‘Luv … Continue reading “Bravo: “Luv Guv” Bentley Bounced By Baptist Pastor”

Cheater-speak: “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” -Cheater Whether or not the cheated intended to hurt the faithful spouse does not change the fact that they did! Such a statement from a cheater is more about caring for the cheater than it is about caring for the faithful spouse. The cheater is trying to protect their self-image … Continue reading “Cheater-speak: “I didn’t mean to hurt you.””

Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs

Dear Divorce Minister, My husband has had emotional affairs during our marriage and has physically cheated once during the dating time while in a serious committed relationship (which was disclosed to the me 9 years into our marriage). While he says he’s never crossed the line physically during the marriage, there has been a series … Continue reading “Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs”

Called Good Friday 4 Good Reasons!

“But this is your hour—when darkness reigns.” -Luke 22:53b, NIV Good Friday is good news for all who have experienced times when darkness reigned. What I mean about that is how the Cross speaks to the darkest of evil–namely, the killing of God–and yet also speaks to how that darkness cannot triumph even when it kills … Continue reading “Called Good Friday 4 Good Reasons!”

Ought NOT to be Radical!

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery. 15 Thou shalt not steal. 16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. 17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife…. -Exodus 20:14-17a, KJV Apparently, a pastor taking adultery seriously is controversial! What has this world come to that a pastor insisting on obedience … Continue reading “Ought NOT to be Radical!”