But Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” -Luke 22:48, NLT As I work to prepare for Easter, I was struck by this exchange. Notice how Jesus calls out the action for what it was. Jesus labels it betrayal and points out the especially awful means of that betrayal–namely, … Continue reading “Name it! Call it for what it is.”
Category: Theology of divorce
Cheater claims no hope.
“I just do not have any hope for our marriage.” -Cheater Ironically, faithful spouses are usually the ones who are accused of giving up on the marriage. The reality is that the cheater gave up on the marriage the moment they decided to violate their marriage vows. Plus, many of us–I suspect–sat in the counseling … Continue reading “Cheater claims no hope.”
Oh, the difference!
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. -Proverbs 31:10, MSG Eight years ago, I was in a much different place around this time. It was the season my first marriage imploded. All sorts of horrors came forth during that season. Yet God sustained me. He was there with me … Continue reading “Oh, the difference!”
Spiritual trauma best addressed by faithful pastors
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. -Proverbs 17:22, NIV Much of the suffering faithful spouses experience is spiritual in nature. Writing this blog for a couple of years, the questions I encounter center around deep spiritual pain and confusion. These are not so much the nuts and … Continue reading “Spiritual trauma best addressed by faithful pastors”
You would think…
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV You would think… …this verse said, “Thou shalt not divorce your spouse.” But it does NOT! The Bible does not treat divorce like it treats adultery. Our Ten Commandments doe NOT prohibit divorce. They prohibit adultery. This is clear. However, you would think Bible-believing pastors were preaching … Continue reading “You would think…”
The one pointing fingers…
When you made it to a counselor or pastor’s office, did your cheater take full responsibility or point fingers at you? I bet it was the later. Some pastors are naive enough (or complicit enough) to take the bait. They follow the finger of the cheater and focus on those “issues” to the exclusion of … Continue reading “The one pointing fingers…”
Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?
Why was I stuck for so long? This is a good question to ask ourselves after a divorce from a cheater. Some people break free faster than others. That said, others take a long time coming to terms with their marriage’s end. I really struggled with the end of my marriage. Three things really kept … Continue reading “Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?”
“Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial
“You must not scare her off. We must save the marriage.” -Well-Meaning, “Christian” pastor Reality is the cheater is already gone. The marriage is over. If a cheater is so reluctant to attend pastoral care sessions, you have a cheater who is already done with the marriage. This is not a repentant one. The marriage … Continue reading ““Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial”
The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors
If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. -Galatians 5:15, NIV When you tell your denomination or church about your cheating spouse and the divorce, the hope is for support. Sadly, this hope is often dashed by evangelical leaders who are stuck in ungodly divorce prejudice. … Continue reading “The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors”
Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations”