“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery….” -Mark 7:21-22a, NLT When infidelity and abandonment via divorce occur, the faithful spouse may struggle with blaming themselves. I know I did. It is part of the grief process. We are trying to control the uncontrollable. That means we take … Continue reading “Stop blaming yourself, faithful spouse!”
Category: Theology of divorce
Subtle blame in churches
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. Ezekiel 18:20a, NIV Sometimes church leaders subtly blame faithful spouses for a divorce from a cheater. I say that it is subtle because it almost … Continue reading “Subtle blame in churches”
Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!
I don’t get it. You know. The couples that pose for a happy picture following their divorce with the decree in their hands. It is weird. What is even weirder is how society celebrates these (former) couples’ display of celebration. Odd. Divorce from a cheater is a mercy. It is a way to escape the … Continue reading “Celebratory Couple Divorcing?!”
Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A … Continue reading “Discerning change? Look for guilt, not shame, response in cheater.”
Sometimes it is time for divorce.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Sometimes it is time for divorce.”
No one deserves the adulterous betrayal and discard!
Two wrongs do not make a right. -Moms around the world No one ever deserves the adulterous betrayal and discard. Another way of saying this is to say that NOTHING justifies committing sins against another. I do not read the Bible ever giving us permission to sin. Adultery is sin. Discarding a faithful spouse after cheating on … Continue reading “No one deserves the adulterous betrayal and discard!”
Cheaters “under the influence”
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit…. Ephesians 5:18, NIV What if your cheater was drunk or “under the influence” of another drug when she cheated? I actually have more hope for those marriages than the ones where a substance was not involved. My reasoning is the … Continue reading “Cheaters “under the influence””
Why the book?
When I went through my divorce and the ecclesiastical trial to keep my license as a minister, I wished I had a pastor sharing the messages I shared in my book. I had some wonderful friends. (Some are pastors.) These true friends were helpful in my processing my losses and navigating those times. However, the … Continue reading “Why the book?”
Unconditional Love and Consequences
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” -Hebrews 12:5b-6, NIV I totally believe God loves us, His children, with an unconditional love. Our place in God’s heart is not determine … Continue reading “Unconditional Love and Consequences”
Sure, divorce is avoidable…
Sure divorce is avoidable… …just don’t commit adultery or marry someone who cheats. This is obviously easier said than done. Most people do not go into a marriage assuming they will cheat (sadly some are already) or their partner will cheat. The vows to forsake all others are taken seriously by at least one party…usually. Yet … Continue reading “Sure, divorce is avoidable…”