I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.

-Ezekiel 34:16, NIV

Were you the last one to find out?

They told their close “friends.” When they had individual therapy, they worked out their infidelity with their therapist. But they did not tell you!

Wittingly or not, these individuals who knew before you did participated in the collusion to harm you. They helped your cheater keep their nasty secrets and thereby deprive you of consent in the relationship.

Generally speaking, confidentiality ends when someone is actively harming another. Cheating qualifies as such harm in my book.

So, I take issue with pastors and therapists who know but do not tell the faithful spouse about the infidelity abuse. They are morally implicated in colluding in the abuse at that point, in my opinion.

Sadly, it is rare to find a godly therapist or pastor willing to do the right thing in these matters.

It is uncomfortable to confront. Yet this is what is needed. The cheater needs to be pressured to share this information. Allowing the harm to continue should not be an option in our churches or with therapists who are ethical.