“You need to move on,” says the Privileged. When something as traumatic as a surviving the adultery and divorce from a cheater happens, you are forever marked. Over time, I have found the scars fade. However, they will always be there. People pushing for one to “move on” are pushing denial of these scars. It … Continue reading “Privilege says, “Move on!””
Author: Divorce Minister
Link to Sermon: Bildad or Barnabas?
Yesterday, I was the pulpit supply at a local church I call home, Destiny Church Rochester (MN). The theme of my sermon was how to be an effective encourager. I drew on passages from Job and Acts touching on difficult subjects of grief and forgiveness along the way. A key quote from my sermon: An … Continue reading “Link to Sermon: Bildad or Barnabas?”
Blog Pause: DM at a Summit
I am writing from a room in Redding, California. This year I have the opportunity for a time of spiritual refreshment and connection at the Bethel Leaders Summit. Since I am at this conference for refreshment, I am taking a break from blogging (or at least, not committing to my daily postings). Thank you for … Continue reading “Blog Pause: DM at a Summit”
“Starter Marriage” Nonsense
And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’” -Matthew 19:5, NLT When my first marriage was falling apart, I remember someone bringing up the idea of “starter marriages.” The idea is one where the first marriage is simply … Continue reading ““Starter Marriage” Nonsense”
Impulsive divorce? Hardly.
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce…. -Jeremiah 3:8a, KJV What I find curious in cases with adultery is how the Christian community is so quick to press against the faithful spouse choosing divorce as if this … Continue reading “Impulsive divorce? Hardly.”
“What about their soul?”
“What about their soul? You could win them back by how you respond,” says well-meaning, naive Christian. This burden is unfair. There is enough pressure on faithful spouses. They don’t need more spiritual shaming. Faithful spouses are Jesus. They do not save souls. Only Jesus can do this. It is spiritually unhealthy to suggest otherwise. Just … Continue reading ““What about their soul?””
Discern by their fruit
A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. …Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. -Matthew 7:17, 20, NLT When talking about love, I would recommend to look at actions and not just words. Cheaters will say all … Continue reading “Discern by their fruit”
Have to choose!
After discovering an inappropriate relationship, a strong indicator over the repentant nature of the cheater is how they handle that relationship going forward. They must choose: Is their marriage more important than this fantasy-fling or is this illicit relationship more important to them? A cheater who stays “friends” with their affair partner is telling faithful … Continue reading “Have to choose!”
Cheater Speak: “I really never intended to hurt you.”
“You got to understand. I never intended to hurt you.” -Cheater Why would a cheater tell their spouse that they never wanted or intended to hurt them? I think this is all about protecting themselves. The cheater is attempting to protect themselves from the reality of what they did. By attempting to get agreement about … Continue reading “Cheater Speak: “I really never intended to hurt you.””
It DOES get better!
My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite. -Psalm 102:4, NLT Grief is very heavy in the initial stages of infidelity discovery. I remember having to tell myself to eat. My appetite had left me when I made the awful discovery. If my memory serves me correctly, I dropped about … Continue reading “It DOES get better!”