While wondering on the internet looking for resources from David Clarke, PhD, I stumbled upon his website (click here). These past few days I have been listening to his podcast. He has some good things to say in those podcasts. Clarke is not a wimpy Christian counselor. He does not let cheaters off the hook … Continue reading “Resource Reminder: David Clarke, PhD”
Author: Divorce Minister
Hate and Adultery
Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. -Romans 12:9b, NIV “If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.” -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Hate gets such an undeserved reputation among Christians. Sometimes the right thing to do is to hate. Evil … Continue reading “Hate and Adultery”
Source of misery
Assuming a cheater is miserable because their spouse is so lousy is a dangerously bad assumption. The misery may simply result from a discord between their actions and their morals. They cannot escape the condemnation in their hearts over the sins they are committing. It is also possible their misery is a result of unresolved … Continue reading “Source of misery”
Feeding the entitlement beast
Some pastors and marriage counselors simply feed the cheater’s entitlement. Even when a cheater confesses infidelity–say an emotional affair–some will choose to focus on the faithful party’s “deficiencies.” They will treat the cheater as the “victim” in the marriage as opposed to the sinful aggressor that they are. Such people fail to understand and apply … Continue reading “Feeding the entitlement beast”
Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous
Cheaters sometimes come with the faithful spouse to a pastor (or Christian marriage counselor) with a list. This is a list designed to excuse their behavior and keep the focus off their own sin. Many take the bait. We, faithful spouses, think that if we do the requested self-improvements then we can save our marriage. … Continue reading “Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous”
Embracing mourning
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. -Matthew 5:4, KJV Divorcing a cheater comes with tremendous amounts of loss. Anyone who has experienced such a divorce does not need to be told this. They have lived it. When I look at this beatitude from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, I “translate” … Continue reading “Embracing mourning”
Blaming you for the emotional affair
If the cheater blames you for their emotional affair… …be aware that they will have no problem blaming you for a physical affair, too! This is one of the many reasons to take an emotional affairs seriously. Once the cheater feels embolden to believe lies about emotional affairs–namely, they are not responsible for such sin–then … Continue reading “Blaming you for the emotional affair”
So hard
Do I believe a marriage can come back after a spouse cheats? To answer this question, I think you have to answer another prior question. That question is a question about God working miracles today. I DO believe God still works miracles today; so, I do believe God can resurrect a marriage killed by infidelity. … Continue reading “So hard”
Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.”
“If we stayed married, you’d always hold this over my head,” says Cheater. Cheater Concern About You Never “Getting Over It” What I find interesting about this response is how the Cheater shows he or she understands the infidelity has forever impacted the marriage. They understand that they cannot go back to how things were. … Continue reading “Cheater concern about you never “getting over it.””
All circumstances
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. -I Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV I am convinced gratitude is the spiritual secret to a having a healthy soul. God knew we, humans, struggle with this discipline. That is why, I believe, he peppers His word with commandments to give … Continue reading “All circumstances”