Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -I Thessalonians 5:18, NLT My wife and I have adopted two rescue parrots.* They are both Green Cheek Conures. I did not grow up with birds. Mrs. DM did. In fact, she told me parrots are her preferred … Continue reading “Don’t focus on the doodoo”
Author: Divorce Minister
No interest in understanding
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT In my season of suffering, I found some people simply did not want to hear about my pain. They didn’t want to understand. These people were set in their beliefs about divorce. They were happy to share their … Continue reading “No interest in understanding”
Resurrection Sunday Lessons
“He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying.” -Matthew 28:6, NLT Too often, the story of Easter is misapplied to infidelity situations as to mean God will resurrect your marriage. I think I lived in that world of false hope personally. … Continue reading “Resurrection Sunday Lessons”
You do NOT have to take the lecture!
You do not have to take the lecture from the morally bankrupt Cheater. Walk away. Hang up the phone. End the session. A responsible pastor would do this for you in a session. Minimally, the pastor would correct the Cheater. However, you do not have to be passive in these situations. You have agency! If … Continue reading “You do NOT have to take the lecture!”
Still getting demands
If your cheater is still making demands…. …then you can be assured that they are not really sorry about cheating and did not really “get” the devastation of their sin against you. A person who cheats and grasps how awful a betrayal it is will not then turn on the faithful party to make relationship … Continue reading “Still getting demands”
Cheater-Speak: “But I protected YOUR reputation!”
“But I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The manipulation is the Cheater expects the “same” in return. (I use scare quotes as I doubt the Cheater actually did this.) They assume here the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “But I protected YOUR reputation!””
Not really the choice
Even a faithful spouse “choosing” to divorce their cheater is really not the choice. They had chosen to be married for life to a person who left all others. However, that person decided to change things. They chose adultery. That just left bad options for the faithful spouse. The faithful spouse choosing divorce is a person … Continue reading “Not really the choice”
Surprise Anger
She should have begged. I was thinking about the time my now ex-wife admitted to her cheating. She was crying crocodile tears over the phone. These were not tears for me but rather manipulative tears. At the end of her cheating admission, she wanted me to know her cheating wasn’t the reason for her divorcing … Continue reading “Surprise Anger”
Two Big Pastoral Errors
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has….” -Job 42:7, NIV Over and over, I see two common pastoral errors in “helping” faithful spouses. They … Continue reading “Two Big Pastoral Errors”
No Circle Backs
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT No Circle Backs People who were hard on me did not apologize once it became known that my (now) ex-wife was cheating. They did not circle back and acknowledge that their perspective might have been overly harsh and … Continue reading “No Circle Backs”