Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, FOO issues probably need work, but…”
Staying power of kindness
David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” -2 Samuel 9:1, NIV As faithful spouses, we deal with a lot of betrayals as we go through the valleys of infidelity discovery and divorce. For many of us, we also experience kindness from … Continue reading “Staying power of kindness”
DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Divorce Minister’s Take On the Ethics of AAMFT For those who are unfamiliar, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a–if not THE— major professional association for marriage therapists in the United States. You can read their ethics statement by clicking (here). Today’s post … Continue reading “DM’s take on the ethics of AAMFT”
She said she would never….
She said she would would never cheat on me. No matter how difficult the marriage became, we were (supposedly) committed to each other. Cheating was not on the table. You see this is what makes infidelity so hard to believe. Cheating flies in the face of explicit promises made by the faithful spouse–husband or wife. … Continue reading “She said she would never….”
Practical advice for healing and finding peace
“…and the truth shall make you free.” -John 8:32b, KJV Two Practical Strategies for Peace* When I was recovering from my divorce from my cheater, two particular strategies helped me the most. 1. Identify the “handles,” “triggers,” or otherwise unwanted labels/identities that you vehemently are trying to avoid. An effective manipulator is able to hone … Continue reading “Practical advice for healing and finding peace”
Conversation as domination
“We NEVER talk!” cries the cheater (in a conversation with their spouse). Cheaters say one thing and really mean another. The arguments they fight with faithful spouses are less about what they say and more about domination. It is not that faithful spouses will not talk but rather faithful spouses do not agree with what the cheater … Continue reading “Conversation as domination”
Happy Father’s Day, Faithful Fathers!
Happy Father’s Day! Having Munchkin as my daughter is one of the greatest blessings that came from the dark valley of divorce. I never would have had this incredible joy if my first marriage had not ended. I know for many here that this is a tough day. However, I want to focus on the … Continue reading “Happy Father’s Day, Faithful Fathers!”
Panic and Anxiety
One of the many difficulties of dealing with a cheater is how they induce panic and anxiety in us. I can remember feeling such panic and anxiety during each interaction with my cheater. Maybe it is just me?! But I doubt it. This fear and panic comes from all the nasty surprises one gets in … Continue reading “Panic and Anxiety”
Advice for handling bad-faith actors
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” -Matthew 10:16, NIV When dealing with bad-faith actors, the wise individual does not share all his or her thinking with them. This is something I learned from my mentor, C.H., a little under a decade … Continue reading “Advice for handling bad-faith actors”
Revenge cheating. Just don’t!
These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. -James 1:15, NLT Responding to cheating by cheating is wrong. Now, I understand the impulse. It feels like justice. However, it is definitely NOT justice! Revenge cheating is sin. Please, don’t do it. I know some … Continue reading “Revenge cheating. Just don’t!”