When you made it to a counselor or pastor’s office, did your cheater take full responsibility or point fingers at you? I bet it was the later. Some pastors are naive enough (or complicit enough) to take the bait. They follow the finger of the cheater and focus on those “issues” to the exclusion of … Continue reading “The one pointing fingers…”
Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?
Why was I stuck for so long? This is a good question to ask ourselves after a divorce from a cheater. Some people break free faster than others. That said, others take a long time coming to terms with their marriage’s end. I really struggled with the end of my marriage. Three things really kept … Continue reading “Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?”
“Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial
“You must not scare her off. We must save the marriage.” -Well-Meaning, “Christian” pastor Reality is the cheater is already gone. The marriage is over. If a cheater is so reluctant to attend pastoral care sessions, you have a cheater who is already done with the marriage. This is not a repentant one. The marriage … Continue reading ““Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial”
Those Self-Righteous, Religious Pricks!
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? … Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye…” – Matthew 7:3, 5a, NLT When I was going through my trials, I had no shortage of religious people willing to “help” me see my “sin” or … Continue reading “Those Self-Righteous, Religious Pricks!”
Do not be fooled by religious behavior
For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. -Isaiah 58:2, NIV Some cheaters excel at doing things that make them look like “good” Christians. That is part of the trauma … Continue reading “Do not be fooled by religious behavior”
Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.”
![Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.”](https://i0.wp.com/www.divorceminister.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/wp-1581450674782.jpg?fit=1200%2C515&ssl=1)
“I cheated on you emotionally. But don’t worry. I already worked through it with my individual therapist.” -Cheater Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. -Genesis 6:4b, NLT I wonder how many here have heard something like this from their cheater. The cheater has declared themselves “fixed” but are unwilling “to show … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “Don’t worry. I already worked through [my affair] with my therapist.””
The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors
If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. -Galatians 5:15, NIV When you tell your denomination or church about your cheating spouse and the divorce, the hope is for support. Sadly, this hope is often dashed by evangelical leaders who are stuck in ungodly divorce prejudice. … Continue reading “The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors”
Healing comes in time. It does.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. -Matthew 5:4, KJV Today, I was struck by the progress I have made in my healing journey. This came to mind as I was listening to someone teach on leaving an abuser. Fresh off my divorce, this teaching would have been too painful for me. … Continue reading “Healing comes in time. It does.”
Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations”
If your (ex) in-laws are focusing on your “flaws,” save your breath.
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. -Matthew 7:5, KJV When your (ex) in-laws are lecturing your about your “marriage failures,” you need to understand that they are part of the problem. Such lectures are unlikely to have … Continue reading “If your (ex) in-laws are focusing on your “flaws,” save your breath.”