“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “When “working on the marriage” is a barrier to godliness.”
Separating Out
“My relationship with [Affair Partner] has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Cheater When a cheater is separating out the affair from the marriage troubles, you can be assured they are not interested in healing and restoring the marriage. They have told themselves the lie that their present marital problems are unrelated to the … Continue reading “Separating Out”
The verse does not say…
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “The verse does not say…”
Need a safe place to fall apart.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…. -Ecclesiastes 3:4, KJV When a marriage ends, we need a space where we can be honest with our pain. Often times, that includes “the ugly cry.” I encourage you all to find a place where you can … Continue reading “Need a safe place to fall apart.”
Podcast resource on topic of biblical forgiveness
Forgiveness is such a tricky subject to handle as it comes to marital infidelity. Many Christians–including pastors and counselors–get it wrong as to what it means to forgive. Today, I am including a link to a recent podcast by Julie Roys, The Roys Report, as she explores the topic of biblical forgiveness: “What Does Forgiveness Really … Continue reading “Podcast resource on topic of biblical forgiveness”
Pro-Tip: She’s cheating if she considers his opinion is more important than yours.
He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church…. –Ephesians 5:28b-29, NIV PRO TIP: If another dude’s feelings are more important to your wife than yours, then that is a clear signal that your … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: She’s cheating if she considers his opinion is more important than yours.”
Angels all around.
And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. -2 Kings 6:17, NIV I am convinced God preserved me during the darkest part of my first marriage’s demise. … Continue reading “Angels all around.”
It burns.
The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them [pigs].” -Mark 5:12, NIV Cheaters often do not want to face the truth. Confronted with the truth about how evil their behavior is, some choose to run away or blame the faithful spouse. The truth burns. A cheater who has … Continue reading “It burns.”
Real love means making choices.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” -John 13:34, NIV Jesus is not commanding our feelings. That would not make sense. Our emotions just are. A command implies a choice to do or not to do something. That means we have a choice–i.e. … Continue reading “Real love means making choices.”
Refuse to be the cheater’s “play thing!”
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. -Matthew 7:12, NIV One of the aspects of working with faithful spouses that disturbs me greatly is how their cheaters use them and essentially make them their “play things.” The cheater goes … Continue reading “Refuse to be the cheater’s “play thing!””