Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.
-Proverbs 20:11, KJV
Reality can be a slippery thing to grasp sometimes.
Nowhere is this more evident than coming to terms with the actual person one has married upon discovery of infidelity. The temptation is to ignore the actions taken that saying the opposite of “I love you.” Who really wants their marriage to end in divorce anyways?
We did not sign up for that.
But we also did not sign up for the treacherous adulterous betrayals and lies either.
The other day I was driving home from my long commute and reflecting on what transpired in the ending of my first marriage. To this day, it is crazy to think about all the cold, mean things my (now) ex-wife did in the ending of our marriage. I look back with less emotion today, and I can see more clearly that I tolerated behavior that I shouldn’t have.
It is so hard to see that in the moment, though.
This is why having godly pastors or other Christian leaders in your life to strengthen you and give you–i.e. the faithful spouse–perspective is so important. And I am not talking about the Christian tribe that just adds to the confusion of the moment using “Christian” guilt to keep you stuck in a destructive, abusive relationship–which I consider is the case in any marriage ravaged by adultery where the cheater refuses to fully repent.
It is tough love.
Love of faithful spouses from godly friends and family who point out what would be obvious except for all the confusing emotions of grief flooding the heart of the betrayed.
Look at the actions.
Are these actions from the cheater season with the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) or are they seasoned with fleshly wickedness?
The actions tell you where the heart really is. Someone spending months or even years hiding a double life involving other partners is not a trustworthy individual. It is certainly not someone acting in love towards his or her spouse. That is for sure.